I quit my healthcare job to take care of my grandmother. It’s a mix of happy and sad moments, but ultimately has been life-changing for us.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kristina McDonald, who’s in her 30s. She quit her hospice clinical manager job in July, mainly to spend more time caring for her grandmother. The essay has been edited for length and clarity.

My grandmother is 80, and my grandfather is 83. I quit my full-time job to care for my grandmother as I noticed that her undiagnosed dementia was worsening.

Occasionally, I would help my grandparents on the weekends because my clinical manager position was a full-time, Monday through Friday, eight to 10 hours a day position. I would help with different things around the house, but I didn’t start fully taking care of my grandparents, mainly my grandmother, until July of last year.

I’ve been doing that full-time ever since.

I started noticing that her condition started to decline, and at that time, I was a little bit overwhelmed in the hospice clinical manager role and was looking for a career change.

My grandfather was like, “Well, we could really use your help here.”

That’s when I decided to make the switch

When I initially started my clinical manager position, it was fully remote. When I was looking to make the switch, we were asked to come back into the office, which was unfortunately pretty far from where I lived. So that was a factor in my decision.

It was going to be difficult to do that drive, be a good wife and mom, and be the best clinical manager for the patients and the team that I managed.

The strings were getting a little thin in multiple areas, with my grandmother’s condition worsening on top of that. Eventually, you have to cut a string if they all get too thin.

Just getting gram out of the house leads to probably some of my happiest times with her

My favorite parts are when we get to go out for car rides and see how happy she is. She always talks about any blooming flower she absolutely loves.

Some of the saddest times are on the days that she can’t remember me or necessarily remember my mom, her daughter.

The increased confusion and forgetfulness are probably some of the saddest parts. Another sad part is seeing her physically decline and not necessarily be able to move like she used to.

It’s been amazing to be able to care for a family member who’s so near and dear to me

I’m definitely not as stressed as I was last year when I was being pulled in so many directions. The flexibility is better. My mom, who lives with them, helps a lot on the weekends and overnight, when I’m typically not there.

Since making this switch, I’ve been able to prioritize myself, lose weight, and be a better mom.

It’s really been life-changing for me and my grandparents.

There’s still going to be a certain level of stress, especially with gram’s condition. It can be physical and emotional, especially when it’s a family member versus a patient that you may not be related to.

My typical weekday routine is I’ll get up and take my son to day care. Sometimes I’ll go to the gym before coming to my grandparents. Once I get there, we’ll get gram up for the day, and usually we have to wash sheets due to incontinence that she has overnight.

So we’ll strip her bed after I get her up and help walk her to the toilet, and get ready for the day. Then, I’ll make her breakfast. My grandfather has an eBay hobby. It’s difficult for him to go to his storage room upstairs, so I’ll ask him, “Is there anything that I can go upstairs and pull for you and bring down?”

Every day varies. Sometimes it just depends on the weather, depends on if we have to do anything for social media. My grandparents and I agreed that any income made from social media would be my “income.” My husband works and quitting my job has slightly affected our family’s finances.

The day’s really just making sure that gram is fed and she gets her medications. After she’s been up for a while, we do a little bit of exercise. I’ll talk to papa about his eBay stuff, then maybe we might do lunch.

A lot of times, I like to get gram out of the house just to have a little bit of a change of scenery. Sometimes I’m taking both of them or one of them to doctor appointments.

I’ll schedule gram to get her hair and occasionally her nails done, so sometimes I’m taking her to those appointments.

I’m cooking them meals, making sure that they have meals for dinner in the evening when I’m not here. Also, I’m cleaning the house.

Usually, before I leave for the day, I take packages to the post office for my grandfather. Then I’ll go and pick up my son from day care, or sometimes my husband will pick him up.

I don’t have any caregiving costs because my grandfather pays for his, and I use their car to transport gram to appointments and to run errands for them. I have an agreement with papa to hold onto their credit card for all caregiving needs and expenses for gram.

One of the things that I wish people would definitely know is how difficult it can be to care for a loved one

It can be physically and emotionally draining to see somebody having such a steady decline in their condition.

I also wish people knew the gratitude that it gives me as well to be able to do this for them, because coming from the hospice position, it seems to be very rare that a family member can care for their loved one due to financial reasons.

It’s also expensive to hire a private caregiver to come in. I wish it were easier for a person to not feel so financially strained to care for their loved one, whether it’s quitting their own job, or private caregiving agencies wouldn’t be so expensive.

I worked very hard to get my license, so I definitely don’t want my license to expire or lapse

My nursing license is due to expire next May.

I need to work on getting at least an as-needed nursing job, where I’m doing that a few times a month, and then my grandparents will just have to work out something else on those days that I’m not there.

I don’t want something that I worked so hard for multiple years to go away. It’s my passion.

I’m lucky and grateful to help my grandparents because, just like I have with patients and families in the past at my previous job, I really want to make sure that I’m making an impact. It means so much to me to be able to make this impact on my grandparents‘ lives because they had a huge impact on my growing up.

It’s nice to be able to return the favor.

Are you a caregiver? Reach out to this reporter to share at [email protected].

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