I left my breadwinning job at Lockheed Martin to be a stay-at-home dad. My family had to budget for this change, but the decision was easy.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Michael Floyd, a 36-year-old stay-at-home dad from Ithaca, New York. It’s been edited for length and clarity.

When my wife was pregnant with our child, I was the main breadwinner for our family. We were deciding between two options: putting our daughter in childcare or me becoming a stay-at-home dad.

My wife’s plan has always been to become a full-time professor at a top university, so we knew she wouldn’t be staying home with our daughter. On the other hand, I was working as a systems engineer for Lockheed Martin, with a six-figure salary.

I took three months of parental leave, and after that, my decision was clear. I left my six-figure engineering job to care for our child while my wife focused on her career. Here’s how we decided and budgeted for the change.

New York state childcare would’ve cost us $30,000 a year

While I was at Lockheed Martin, my wife was working a postdoctoral position at Cornell University. We were also making additional income from our Airbnb rental and two full-time rental properties.

We did calculations, and in our city in New York state, childcare would cost about $30,000 annually.

But I didn’t officially decide to be a stay-at-home dad until I spent time caring for my daughter during my parental leave. I noticed just how much attention she needs. I don’t trust that even the best childcare worker could attend to my daughter to the degree that I would want.

Plus, until my daughter is of the age where she can raise her voice and let me know something’s wrong, it’s really hard for me to allow a stranger to watch her. I’m sure 99% of workers are amazing, but I don’t want to take a chance on the 1%.

I enjoyed my job, but I left to take care of our daughter full time

I found my job to be fun because it felt like solving Sudoku puzzles all day, but it required me to sit at my desk for 10-hour shifts.

Since I hurt my back during my 6-year service in the military, long periods of sitting or standing make it flare up. After four years doing my job, the last two of which were remote, I felt isolated, so I knew I had made the right decision to leave.

I don’t have any plans to return to work at the moment, but it’s not off the table for the future.

Since I was the main breadwinner, we had to budget for me to stay home

We canceled our housekeeper and our CrossFit memberships. We also switched from Verizon to T-Mobile, which saves us over $100 each month, and removed one of our three vehicles from our insurance.

I’ve cut down on our grocery bill by adjusting my diet to rely on more plant-based sources of protein like lentils rather than expensive meats. We also switched to cloth diapers, which we estimate will save us up to $2,000 by the time she’s potty-trained.

I even built a chicken coop in response to egg price inflation. I converted the old shed in our backyard into a chicken coop. We currently have five chickens, but our coop can hold up to 20, and we spend $60 on chicken feed monthly.

Being a stay-at-home parent is demanding, but worth it

The biggest challenge of being a stay-at-home dad has been how emotional my daughter’s crying rants can be. You’d think that you could just put her in a crib and leave and let her cry it out, but you can’t.

It’s constant work, but that doesn’t affect me much. What affects me is that when she’s crying, there’s not always something I can do. It’s an emotionally difficult experience. Sometimes, it’ll be 6 p.m. and she’s tired of me and the bottle, and she just wants to be comforted by her mother. In those moments, she’s completely inconsolable.

But the best part about being a stay-at-home parent is seeing all of her firsts. When she started smiling after one month, it made everything worth it. There’s a lifetime of firsts coming, and I can’t wait to see all of them.

If you left a high-paying job to be a stay-at-home parent and would like to share your story, please email the editor, Manseen Logan, at [email protected].

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