Who needs million-dollar carbon-fiber stockcars whipping around corners at 200 mph when this Friday, May 23, you can go to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to watch six Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles race to see which car shaped like a giant hot dog nestled within a soft bun reigns supreme. It’s the Wienie 500, and it is very stupid.
Oscar Mayer is sending six of their iconic meat-tubed automobile adverts to battle it out on the legendary 2.5-mile oval. No pit crews. Just a fleet of 27-foot-long frankfurters powered by Chevy V8s, the spirit of competition, and advertisements for hot dogs on Memorial Day weekend, thus officially ushering in the unofficial start of the summer, a season in which Americans eat around 7 billion hot dogs, ending on Labor Day in September.
If this whole time you thought it was going to be six identical Weinermobiles racing each other, think again, idiot. Each Wienermobile is decorated to represent a regional hot dog style.
You’ve got the Chi Dog repping the Midwest, the New York Dog for the East Coast, the Slaw Dog representing the Southeast, the Sonoran Dog coming in from the Southwest, the Seattle Dog bringing that Northwestern pride, and the Chili Dog representing the South.
The only way to determine which type of hot dog topping tastes best is by turning them into cars and watching them race around a circular track.
Don’t expect a pulse-pounding thrill ride of a race. Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles have all the mobility of a school bus. But what the Wienie 500 lacks in speed, it makes up for in gleeful stupidity. It doesn’t seem like the winner is going to get anything other than bragging rights, but that’s okay. Trophies and monetary prizes would just sully the purity of a car race involving six Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles.
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