Although “Weekend Update” co-anchors Michael Che and Colin Jost have gone through countless joke swaps over the years, Che has always come out on top. That is, until this one.
“You know, before I tell another joke, I want to take this opportunity to apologize to someone I hurt,” Che said, reading off a cue card Jost prepared for him. “Uh, Scarlett, can you come out here?”
Scarlett Johansson, that week’s host and Jost’s wife, entered the stage and sat beside Che, stone-faced.
“You know, last time we did Joke Swap, I made Colin do some tasteless jokes comparing your vagina to Costco roast beef,” Che said to Johansson.
He was referring to the most shocking, vulgar joke of the last joke swap segment. Johansson herself has even mentioned it in recent interviews, teasing that she’d get some “revenge” against Che in the SNL season finale.
Che continued his forced apology to Johansson, saying, “The fact is, I was just lashing out because I’m jealous. I’ve never even seen a human vagina. And notice I said human. Because I once spent the summer on a farm. You feeling me?”
Che offered a high-five to Johansson, which she coldly declined. It was a fun parallel to what Che made Jost do to a fictional Black activist in their December 2023 joke swap.
Che confessed to Johansson, “Maybe I’m just embarrassed about my own body. I can’t even take my hoodie off during sex because I have more nipples than a pregnant dog.”
Johansson replied, “Yes, I have heard that about you.”
Che added, “And Colin, I’m sorry too, because I owe you everything. When Colin discovered me, I was selling crack outside the Bronx Zoo. Now look at me, selling crack outside the American Girl doll store.“
“I’ve told thousands of jokes on ‘Update’ and gotten dozens of laughs,” Che told Jost. “But I’ve never said the three most important words of all: I love you.”
Unfortunately for Jost, Che still had plenty of jokes left for him to tell.
“Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr is here with his family,” Jost said. “I got to meet his son Nick, and I love Steve. I like Nick, but I wouldn’t say I’m a Nick Kerr lover.”
Upon realizing he’d basically just said the N-word on live TV, Jost broke and covered his hand with his face. But Che’s material for Jost wasn’t finished.
“Some psychologists say adults can reduce stress by returning to a childhood hobby,” Jost said. “Which is why I returned to my favorite childhood hobby: topping off priests with my pretty little mouth.”
As part of the joke, Jost reluctantly put on some red lipstick and delivered a message to SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels, rumored to be retiring soon.
“Lorne,” Jost said, “I’ll do anything to run this show.”
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