Jen Affleck faced a big decision. She had just starred on season one of Hulu’s breakout reality show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which chronicled the ups and downs of her TikTok famous, Utah-based friend group, known online as #MomTok.
The Hulu series, which premiered last September, instantly became a hit. Affleck’s storyline on the show though, was not without controversy. Much of her arc was about her relationship with her husband, Zac, with whom she shares two young children. In an explosive episode, viewers watched as Zac blew up at Jen for attending a Chippendales show in Las Vegas with her friends, leading many both on the show and off to question their marriage.
Following the airing of the fight, and the online chatter that followed, Affleck tells me the message from some of her friends and family was clear: she needed to quit the show.
“I think people who were associated with me were trying to protect their image and were selfishly asking me not to [continue] for their own gain,” she says over Zoom shortly before the airing of the second season.
But Affleck didn’t give in. That’s because, she says, building her career as a content creator and reality star has given her new agency that she never had before. The way she saw it, she’d rather “be in the arena fighting and doing the scary thing” than listening to those who wanted her to quit.
“It was the first time that I truly asked myself, well, Jen, what do you want?” she tells me. “And it was simple. I want to be on the show. I want to share my life. That was the whole reason why I did season one in the first place. Why walk away now when my life is already exposed?”
And it’s clear in season two that Affleck is learning to, as she says, not be a “pushover” in every area of her life, from her relationships to her friendships and career. From the jump, viewers learn not only did the couple separate following the events of season one, but Zac had deferred his medical school acceptance in order to work on their marriage and support his wife’s career, a big step in their traditional, Mormon community (in fact, Affleck says, her husband is currently a stay-at-home dad).
However, as viewers see in the new season, which came out Thursday, the 25-year-old’s new exploration of her own wants and needs isn’t always easy. She chatted with Glamour about finding out she was pregnant with her third child a month into filming season two, where her and Zac are now, and what she wants viewers to take away from her story.
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Glamour: A lot has happened with you and Zac since season one aired, as we learn pretty quickly in the first episode of season two. How did it feel to share all of these raw and uncomfortable moments on camera, especially after facing so much commentary on your relationship during season one?
Jen Affleck: I think it [would have] definitely been the easier thing to walk away from the show after season one, and move forward with keeping things private. But I felt very called to go back and share this part. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but part of me felt like it was going to be impactful, not only to myself and my marriage, but to anyone watching, whether we were going to end up in a divorce or not. I think that our story can resonate with a lot of people. Marriage isn’t easy, especially when getting married super young. Also with the pressure of needing to show up perfect, being a part of the Mormon church, I kind of wanted to do the hard thing and talk about what nobody talks about. Everything is very hush, hush in our culture. I wanted to be the person to break that and be the start of a new beginning for our culture.
As a viewer, you seemed pretty empowered by the changes you were making. Did you feel that way?
Oh, absolutely. I mean, after season one was filmed, I spent that whole next summer really putting my foot down and vocalizing my needs and opinions, which I had never done in our marriage before. I think for a very long time in our marriage, I felt like I needed to be a pushover, but I hid this other side of me that’s always been there, which is a feistier, more outspoken part of me.
I wanted to show the audience, no, I’m not just a pushover. I think that’s how people perceive me. And even though I can be, there is also this other side of me and this other side of me is now forced to come out because of what I’ve gone through. It’s obviously scary to do because confrontation isn’t easy and it can cause issues, but I want to show that this stage of life is about me finding my voice, about me sticking up for myself, and it’s about change. And I clearly made a lot of mistakes even showing my outspoken version, but no change can happen unless you speak up.
What was the biggest change that you wanted to make in how you were perceived in season one versus season two?
I wanted a change in my relationship. I think Zac had spent the majority of our relationship being the one wearing the pants. I wanted to take over that role. And if I wasn’t going to have that role, I was in a place of willing to walk away because I knew I deserved more than that. I was living in a lot of anger from everything that happened in season one and what was shown.
I also realized I wanted to show the audience that there is this other side of me. It’s when you speak up and vocalize your needs and your truth that things change. I know there’s a lot of women in the [Mormon] church that have felt like me or have felt the same things that I felt, and I want to be an advocate for those women who maybe don’t feel like they can speak up and show them that they can. And when they do, change happens. Even though that change might be hard at first, it’s always worth it.
And this is something you’re not only having to deal with personally, but you’re doing it in front of the entire world, both people in your community and everyone watching. How did you deal with getting so many opinions from the online commenters about your relationship?
It was definitely not easy at first. I was used to having all of my followers for the most part, show me love and support. It was definitely hard, but also it made me realize at the end of the day, off social media, in my own day-to-day life, I have always been the type of person who has stuck to my guns when it comes to doing what’s best for me.
I think a lot of people have perceived me as this type of person who wouldn’t be willing to walk away because of pressure from the church and pressure from so many people around me. But really, I was in a place where I wanted to do what was best for me and my family. Knowing that the whole world was watching, even though it magnified the pain that I was feeling and magnified everything that I was going through, it also magnified my purpose and what I was doing. And that’s why I showed back up to season two because my intention was that my story helps someone no matter how it ends.
You are adamant on the show that you want to stay in Utah, instead of moving so Zac can attend medical school, so that you can continue your work. How hard was that decision? Did you get external pressure to walk away?
I had many people telling me not to do the show. In fact, I felt that pressure from anyone who was a member of the church telling me not to do it. And to be honest, it felt like I was going against everything that I’d been taught, everything that everyone wanted for me. And at moments, I felt like I was doing the wrong thing because I had so many people telling me not to.
How are you and Zac doing now?
We are doing better. I feel like if it wasn’t for me sticking to my guns and doing what I want, I don’t think our relationship would be where it’s at. I feel like I needed to vocalize my needs and wants and put my foot down in order for change to happen. And obviously change didn’t happen overnight and we’re still needing to make a lot of adjustments and change, but if it wasn’t for that, I don’t think we would be where we’re at now.
Our whole relationship has done a 180. I feel like we’re different people, and I feel like we’ve honestly gained 20 years of therapy in just one year. Being a part of the show and being a part of the show kind of pushed us to take our relationship and therapy very, very seriously. And we’ve spent the whole last year basically putting in the effort that we would’ve put on our career towards therapy. And because of it, it really has changed everything for us.
What is Zac doing now, and what are his future plans?
He potentially could still go to med school. He’s committed to helping me build my brand and helping me with the kids. That’s kind of his focus right now really as prioritizing me. I feel like I prioritized his career, our whole marriage, so now it’s his turn, and so that’s what he’s doing.
I love that for you.
Yes, I think he’s still trying to get used to it, the whole stay at home dad thing, but he’s great at it.
Another big change, you’re pregnant with your third child. Were you pregnant during filming?
I want to say I was pregnant from the beginning and didn’t even realize. A month in, I found out I was pregnant.
That had to have been a shock, given everything that was going on.
Oh my gosh. I was just questioning everything. I was literally like, this couldn’t get any worse. I was praying to God and I was like, was this your plan? Obviously, I love being a mom. I’ve always wanted to have a lot of kids, so it’s not like I was opposed to having another child, but it was just the timing. The timing couldn’t have been just worse.
So yeah, there’s definitely a lot of mixed emotions. There’s a lot of fear, a lot of guilt, a lot just mixed emotions for the most part. But even though I was scared when I first found out and really worried based on where I was at mentally, it ended up being the biggest blessing in the end. So I’m still super grateful for it, even though it was a lot.
I’m glad you’re talking about your feelings, because that’s so common. So many moms feel that way, especially when they have multiple kids, but very few open up about it. I know you also spent time at a wellness retreat for your mental health during this pregnancy, what did you learn?
After season two, I took my mental health super seriously. To be honest, if it wasn’t for finding out that I was pregnant, I don’t think I would’ve taken it as seriously as I did, because at that point I realized it was no longer just about me. It was about the baby too, and protecting the baby.
So after the show, I spent all my time working on myself, healing childhood trauma. And I mean, when I tell you I was doing a lot of therapy, I mean, I was doing six to eight hours a week, it was no joke. I was like, I have the resources, so I’m going to get as much help as I can. So for me, for this baby, for my marriage, for my family, and for everyone who’s watching my story. I regained some purpose in my life and that my purpose turned into taking care of myself and progressing as a person. So then in the long run, I can hopefully help someone too.
What is the main thing that you hope people take away from your story in season two?
There’s so many things. I haven’t watched season two, so I don’t really fully know what’s been shown, but I hope that people can see me for who I truly am, whether that be the bad or the good. I hope people can see my heart and just feel how genuine I was in a lot of these moments and how vulnerable I was. It wasn’t easy, but I also hope that anyone watching my story who can relate to what I was going through can take something from it, and it helped them on their journey.
I also want to bring awareness to not only mental health, but mental health specifically towards mothers, specifically prenatal depression and postpartum depression. It’s been talked about, but I don’t think it’s talked about enough. And I want mothers to feel like they deserve the help that they may need, because I think a lot of the time I as mothers, we feel like we don’t deserve it because we’re so busy focusing on helping other people that we feel like, yeah, we just don’t deserve it. And so yeah, I definitely would like to bring awareness to that as well. So hopefully the season shows enough of that for me to talk about that.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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