Stephen Colbert Thinks the Nickname ‘Lady Giuliani’ Suits Jeanine Pirro

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

‘Lady Giuliani’

Last Thursday, President Trump said he had chosen the Fox News personality Jeanine Pirro as the interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C.

Stephen Colbert told his viewers on Monday that they might recognize Pirro from “Judge Jeanine,” where she “promoted voter-fraud claims, compared Jan. 6 rioters to Revolutionary War soldiers, and got pulled briefly from the network after making Islamophobic comments.”

“She was later reinstated after Fox realized they didn’t care.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“And I’m sure she’s excited. I heard on Friday night, she drank a whole bottle of champagne, and then someone told her the news.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“President Trump last week named Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as the interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C. Well, she is always up for a case.” — SETH MEYERS

“Pirro has also come under fire for pleading guilty for speeding after driving 119 miles per hour in a 65 zone and was forced to deny accusations of being drunk on air. It’s not great when Washington’s top attorney can best be described as ‘Lady Giuliani.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Trump announced the news on Truth Social, saying, ‘Pirro is considered one of the top district attorneys in the history of the state of New York. She is in a class by herself.’ That class? Court-mandated traffic school.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Pirro is the 23rd current or former Fox News employee hired by the Trump White House. If you work at Fox News right now and you haven’t been offered a job by this administration, you must be thinking, ‘Does he, like, hate me?’” — SETH MEYERS

The Punchiest Punchlines (Thieving on a Jet Plane Edition)

“The White House said that the royal family of Qatar is giving President Trump a $400 million luxury jet that he will use as Air Force One, and then keep once he leaves office. Everyone’s rightfully focused on the plane, but to me the big headline is that he’ll eventually leave office.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yeah, the 89-passenger luxury plane has wood finishes, custom carpets and gold walls. The only thing it doesn’t have is a way to safely land at Newark airport.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The Trump administration is planning to accept a $400 million luxury jet as a gift from Qatar’s royal family. The jet features three lounges, nine bathrooms, and, I’m guessing, about 150 hidden microphones.” — SETH MEYERS

“That’s right, President Trump confirmed that he’s planning to accept a superluxury Boeing 747 jumbo jet from the Qatari royal family and said it will be a ‘gift, free of charge.’ Dude, it’s a bribe. It couldn’t be any more obvious a bribe if they had put the plane inside a giant manila envelope.” — SETH MEYERS

“Of course, with a gift, it’s not the money, it’s the thought that counts. That thought? ‘Let’s bribe the president.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“That’s right, Trump said the plane will be a ‘gift, free of charge.’ Oh, buddy, that is not free of charge. That’s like saying Columbia House just gave you 12 CDs for a penny. They’re not done with you!” — SETH MEYERS

“But, hey, it’s a jet from Qatar. We can trust them. They’re not suspect like Canada, or working to undermine us, like all of our other democratic allies in Europe.” — JON STEWART

“What? Qatar is giving us a plane that Trump gets to keep? He’s like the reverse Oprah: ‘I get a jet! And that’s it.’” — JON STEWART

“The plane in question is one of the big, old Boeing 747s worth around $400 million. Of course, that’s $400 million before you pay to check a bag.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

A new musical about Luigi Mangione inspired Bill Maher to propose other stage shows he would like to see about contentious public figures on Friday’s “Real Time.”