The days and weeks before saying “I do” can bring up all sorts of thoughts and feelings, but many are turning to unexpected sources to talk about their doubts: Reddit.
A new study from the University of Missouri and the University of New Hampshire reveals how the social media platform is serving as a sounding board for people questioning their upcoming nuptials.
Published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, the study analyzed 36 Reddit posts and more than 2,000 comments from users reflecting on premarital uncertainty.
By using a grounded theory approach and mining posts with keywords like “cold feet” and “left at the altar,” researchers uncovered patterns in how people navigate the emotional impact of second-guessing the decision to get married.
“We saw that people seemed more comfortable being open about their unease on Reddit,” said Kale Monk, associate professor at the University of Missouri and lead author of the study. “They’re not just venting, they’re asking for real advice from strangers who aren’t personally involved in their lives.”
The study found that many original posters (OPs) were conflicted about upcoming marriages, with many expressing serious concerns about the relationship, while still maintaining feelings of love and loyalty to their partner.
These individuals often wrestled with whether to call off the wedding, all while imagining how life might look both with and without their current partner.
Reddit commenters played a surprisingly influential role, often validating the OPs’ concerns and urging them to picture married life down the road. While some encouraged breaking off engagements when major doubts emerged, others advised caution and reflection, emphasizing the value of imagining the realities of married life before deciding.
Reddit was founded in 2005 and is a much-loved social website organized into topic-based communities known as “subreddits” where people can find like-minded conversation on different interests, hobbies and themes.
With over 100 million daily active users, it is known as a place for people to share everything including dilemmas, frustrations and funny content.
Unlike prior studies, which usually involved speaking to people after they had already ended engagements, this research captured uncertainty in real time. “With Reddit, we’re seeing what people are thinking and feeling while they’re still in the decision-making process,” Monk explained.
Co-author Tyler Jamison of the University of New Hampshire added that this kind of insight is difficult to capture through traditional interviews. The anonymity and immediacy of Reddit allow users to candidly explore sensitive feelings without fear of judgment from family or friends.
The findings have broader implications for therapists and relationship educators. The engagement period, researchers argue, is a crucial time when early signs of trouble often emerge—the same kinds of issues that can later lead to divorce if unaddressed.
“Knowing the early warning signs could provide opportunities to intervene through support or informed reconsideration,” Monk said. He also cautioned that while online advice can feel comforting, it’s no substitute for professional counseling. “A trained therapist can help you figure out whether your concerns are serious or something you can work through, and that’s a lot better than waiting until after the wedding when things are harder to undo.”
References
Monk, J. K., Jamison, T., Ogan, M. A., Talley, K. E., Boron, D. E., Harper, J. L., Haas, A., & Huff, L. (2025). Lifting the Veil: Exploring Premarital Hesitation and Engagement Dissolution Consideration. Journal of Marriage and Family. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.13113
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