While it’s certainly not your fault for getting ghosted—especially during the later stages of a connection—some behaviors could trigger this type of reaction. For example, being overly critical, invasive, or superficial on a first date might encourage someone to bolt in the other direction.
“First dates are already nerve-wracking enough without accidentally stepping on conversational landmines,” says sex and relationship expert Alexa Johnston from Just, Australia’s premier online adult product retailer. “What people frequently don’t realise is that certain questions, no matter how innocent they might seem to you, can instantly send your date running for the exit.”
We’ve already outlined the six questions to ask on a first date. According to Johnston, here are six questions to avoid if you want a second date.
1. “How Much Money Do You Make?”
It’s totally normal to ask your date about their career or dream job. However, revolving the conversation around money might make them think you’re in it for the wrong reasons.
“Asking about someone’s salary on a first date suggests you’re evaluating them based on their financial worth rather than their personality,” Johnston explained. “It creates immediate discomfort and signals that you might be more interested in their bank account than who they are as a person.”
Instead of focusing solely on a salary, explore more career-related questions. For example, ask them about their goals, passions, and ambitions. Oftentimes, the proof is in the pudding anyway.
2. “Why Are You Still Single?”
While it might seem like a playful, innocent question—and one that I’ve gotten countless times on first dates—this can trigger a negative response. Inquiring about someone’s singlehood is a bit invasive and can give the impression that you think there’s something wrong with them for not being in a relationship.
“This question immediately puts your date on the defensive,” said Johnston. “It suggests they need to justify their relationship status, as if being single is a problem that needs explaining. It can make people feel like they’re being interrogated rather than engaged in pleasant conversation.”
Johnston recommended taking a different approach by asking about their interests, hobbies, and passions. This will tell you more about the individual, anyway.
3. “Do You Think I’m Attractive Compared To Your Ex?”
To be honest, I’m not sure why anyone would think to ask this question. However, it’s unfortunately not unheard of—and something I’ve experienced firsthand.
“This question is a triple threat,” Johnston said. “It shows insecurity, forces them to think about their ex during your date, and puts them in an impossible position.”
Not to mention, this superficial question hints that you care more about appearance than connection. This might cause your date to question your values.
“There’s literally no good answer to this question. Say yes, and they’re speaking ill of someone they once cared about,” Johnston explained. “Say no, and they’ve just insulted you.”
4. “When Do You Want To Have Children And How Many?”
Talking about your wants and needs in a relationship should not be completely off the table—even on a first date. But specific questions like this one can definitely scare people away.
“This question signals you’re mentally fast-forwarding through dating straight to serious commitment,” Johnston pointed out. “It creates immense pressure and can make your date feel like they’re being interviewed for a parenting position rather than getting to know you naturally.”
Personally, I find nothing wrong with broader questions, such as “What are you looking for in dating?” or “What are your future life goals?” If someone brings up marriage and family, that’s great. But inquiring about timelines and specifics can be a recipe for disaster. First dates are for having fun and getting to know someone, not planning your future with them.
Johnston recommended asking these types of questions after you’ve already established a connection.
5. “What’s Your Body Count?”
Asking about someone’s sexual history, especially as early as a first date, is a major turn-off for most people. While it’s natural to wonder about your partner’s dating experiences, making the conversation strictly about sex shows them where your priorities lie. Not to mention, this discussion isn’t necessary when you barely even know the other person.
“This question immediately changes the tone from getting to know someone to scrutinising their past,” Johnston said. “It creates discomfort and suggests you’ll be judging them based on their answer. It can make people feel reduced to a number rather than seen as a complex individual.”
Instead of keeping tabs on your date’s sexual past, Johnston advised focusing on building chemistry through shared values and interests.
6. “Have You Had Any Work Done?”
Commenting on someone’s physical appearance, other than an initial “You look nice” or random “You have beautiful eyes,” can give the impression that you’re shallow. But going as far as to question whether someone had cosmetic procedures? That’s just offensive.
“This question puts your date in an awkward position where they either have to admit to cosmetic procedures or feel like you’re scrutinizing their appearance for ‘flaws,’” Johnston explained. “Either way, it makes them self-conscious at a time when you should be helping them feel comfortable and appreciated.”
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