Navigating Mother’s Day without a mother is impossibly hard. I wish brands would make it easier to opt out of ads.

In the spring of 2021, my entire life changed in an instant. “She’s gone” is all my mom’s fiancé sent to me.

My mother, who was the cornerstone of my life, my sounding board, the person I called every day, whether she picked up or not, had unexpectedly died on a beautiful Sunday in May.

For the next year, I agonized over holidays that never really stood out to me. I couldn’t get out of bed for the entirety of Thanksgiving weekend because she didn’t text me to ask if I was coming over. Christmas felt like another day, even though my sister and I tried to maintain traditions for my nephew.

By the time April had rolled around, I had all but forgotten Mother’s Day since she had died exactly one week after the year before.

Wherever I went, I couldn’t avoid Mother’s Day

By mid-April, I couldn’t go to stores anymore. Every store was awash in pink and yellow hues, screaming about showing appreciation for the mothers in my life. My inbox had become inundated with Mother’s Day emails about the best gifts, where to buy flowers, and not-so-boring brunches and dinners to cook for your mom. It became a minefield I had never expected to navigate in my early 30s.

As I was scrolling through, I found one, just one, email that asked me if I’d like to opt out of Mother’s Day emails. It was from Etsy. After staring at the screen for what felt like an eternity, I finally opened the email. It said, “We know Mother’s Day can be a tough time for some. If you’d like to opt out of our emails, click here.” Relief washed over me in a way I couldn’t describe, and I instantly clicked the button.

More companies have been offering the option

By the time Mother’s Day rolled around the next year, I was better prepared to handle the weeks leading up to it. I became the biggest proponent of drive-up services, avoided certain areas of stores, and allowed emails to pile up to be dealt with later. I was grateful to once again receive the email from Etsy, but I was amazed that more companies hadn’t understood how hard this day could be for some and had yet to offer opt-outs.

It’s not just a hard day for those of us who have lost and are grieving their mothers. It’s hard for those who have strained relationships or are in no contact with their mothers. For some, they may have suffered abandonment or are dealing with a mother or mother figure who is ill or dying. But it’s also hard for women who have been trying so hard to become mothers, however that may look, or have lost children of their own. It wouldn’t only be kinder for brands to allow for opt-outs, but it would also be smarter.

Thankfully, this year, just shy of four years after losing my mother, I have seen an uptick in the option. Etsy, steadfast, was the first at the beginning of April. Then followed the subscription service Book of the Month, publisher Hachette, clothing company Lunya, as well as newsletters including Apartment Therapy, The Strategist, and OpenTable.

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