When I was 22, I left Australia to travel. My parents told me to get a job in the U.K., so I found one in Cornwall in southwest England—as a stripper.
I had been in the army since I was 17 and always struggled with confidence, but back then, drinking masked my social anxiety. So, when I got the chance to strip, I thought: “I used to get naked for a laugh in the army for free—I may as well get paid for it.”
However, my secret didn’t stay hidden for long. A photo from a show surfaced on Facebook, and my mom, who thought I was working in security, saw it. She said she was “not upset, just disappointed.” That stung.
The job didn’t live up to what was promised, and I eventually pivoted to helping backstage at shows in London. That opportunity turned into something much bigger: I became a performer for one of the U.K.’s largest touring strip shows. We had choreographed routines, group performances, and even a finale that included dancing in artificial rain on stage.
But everything changed when my parents came to see a show in person. They saw the theatricality, the professionalism. It wasn’t the sleaze they feared; it was performance art. They left proud.
At the same time, I was immersed in bodybuilding. I was training hard, competing in shows, and like many in the scene, taking steroids along with other drugs. It was part of the lifestyle. Cocaine, weed, partying—it all blurred together. But it wasn’t sustainable.
Eventually, I burned out.
In 2018, I hit rock bottom and quit. I walked away from the adult industry and the chaos that came with it. When my marriage ended in 2022, I returned briefly, but something didn’t feel right. I felt like I was selling my soul. I don’t regret it—it served its purpose—but over time, I started pushing my own boundaries just for money.
That’s when everything began to shift. I started exploring breathwork, personal development, and spirituality. That path eventually led me to a iMONASTERY in Chiang Mai, Thailand, in September 2024.
The 30-day program was created for Westerners to live like monks—no phone, no music, no distractions.
I woke at 4 a.m., chanted, meditated, did chores, and attended Dharma classes. I had profound spiritual experiences, including visions—or what I call “downloads”—that told me I was meant to move to Dubai and be a grounding presence for others. Two days after leaving the monastery, I was told I had to vacate my home. It all aligned effortlessly.
Today, I live in the Middle East. I meditate daily for an hour. I host breathwork sessions, coach clients, and help people regulate their nervous systems and remove limiting beliefs. I live in zero resistance. I feel calm, grounded, and self-aware in a way I never imagined possible.
Before I left for the monastery, I knew I was done with the adult industry. The experience confirmed it. I stayed off social media for six months and only returned in April 2024, making a promise to myself: I would only post when it truly aligned with who I am today.
Now, a year later, I have 147,000 followers on Instagram (@consciously_ash) and regularly share my journey to inspire others. So many people suffer in silence. They think they’re alone. But we all go through the same things in different ways, and transformation is possible.
I used to live a life most men dream of—fast-paced, wild, seductive. Now, I live a life rooted in service. I plan to return to the monastery each year, but I know I’m not meant to live there full time. My mission is not to serve myself, but to serve others.
Everything I went through—every show, every mistake, every revelation—led me here.
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