Troy Aossey/Getty Images
When my youngest was born, we already had an 8-year-old, an almost 7-year-old, and a 2-year-old. Five years separate my middle children, and eight years separate my oldest and youngest. The age gap made many things very difficult, and my husband Craig and I began to refer to my kids as the bigs and the littles.
They were in different phases, and it was logistically difficult
Logistically, it was a nightmare. Often, we had to drag along a toddler and baby to sporting events and school outings for the oldest two. We would pull up in our minivan filled with everything from diapers to baseball gloves.
While my two oldest ran around the bases at Little League, my husband chased the toddler around the playground, and I was glued to a breastfeeding baby.
The gap also proved interesting when planning activities for them, like movies and playdates, as the things they enjoyed were vastly different. When they were young and at such differing stages of development, it often meant splitting up the kids to make sure everyone got to do what they needed or wanted. Meeting the needs of all of our children often meant dividing and conquering.
In our earliest days as a family of six, breastfeeding bound me to the youngest, so my husband became keeper of the oldest two. As the years passed, we switched, and Craig stayed home with the littles. I spent more time with the bigs at birthday parties at trampoline parks and skating rinks. While it allowed everyone to get what they needed, it meant less time together as both a whole family and a married couple.
Bedtime was absolute chaos
While planning activities was hard, coordinating bedtimes was a nightmare. The oldest two would be up watching television or playing together, and the youngest would wonder why they had to head to bed so much earlier.
Again, we found that dividing the kids up was the only way to conquer our nightly bedtime routine. My husband would read to one set of kids while I got the other ready. We always made sure to tuck all of them in individually, though. While doing this was important to us and to them, bedtime took a foolish amount of time and was exhausting.
My older kids told their siblings things they weren’t ready to hear
My older children also knew more about things than the younger kids, which made it tricky. Their worlds exploded with information they learned at school or on the bus, and the information they learned found its way into our home. Scary stories, both real and imagined, were whispered to their youngest siblings, no matter how steadfast we were in monitoring things.
The age gap has gotten less significant over time
As my children have grown, the significance of their age gap seems to have lessened. My older son is 20 and my older daughter is 18, and while their bond has been strong for most of their lives, it is amazing to watch them gel with their 14-year-old sister and 12-year-old brother. They now share more common interests, like video games and shopping.
The oldest two play Minecraft and other video games with their younger brother. My 18-year-old daughter takes her younger sister to the mall and talks with her about everything from boys to TikTok. I recently listened to them laughing together before bed. My younger daughter was braiding her older sister’s hair.
I have also enjoyed watching my oldest two become role models and advisors to their younger siblings. As my younger daughter heads to high school, her older sister is helping her figure out the best classes and teachers. It is cool to watch her share her experience. She wants to help her sister make the best decisions and avoid mistakes that she feels she made.
While I often find myself missing those early years, I am truly enjoying this phase of parenting. Watching all four of my children discover more common interests and forge stronger bonds is a gift, and I am grateful.
The post When my kids were younger, the age gap between them was difficult. Now, it’s more of a benefit. appeared first on Business Insider.
