Most of us have experienced it: you’re on an incredible first date with an attractive person. The conversation is effortless, the sparks are flying, and the chemistry is undeniable.
Until…
You suddenly get the dreaded “ick.”
Now, depending on the person, this feeling of disgust can be triggered by the smallest of things. Sauce in someone’s beard, a high-pitched laugh, loud chewing…These all can set off a sensitive “ick” factor.
Other people are a little less bothered by these behaviors, quirks, or occurrences. It takes a lot for them to feel “icked” out by someone. For example, they might not experience those repulsive feelings unless someone is, say, acting rude toward wait staff or talking poorly of their exes. In which case, that’s more of a rational turn-off than an ick.
The psychology behind “the ick” is a little more complicated. A new study published in Personality and Individual Differences explored the driving forces behind this dreaded feeling.
According to the study authors, “The ‘ick’ is a sudden and visceral aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by behaviors or characteristics that superficially signal incompatibility or low mate quality.”
Why do we get the ick?
Now, one can safely assume that the ick is rooted in judgment and criticism. For example, someone who grew up in a highly critical environment will likely default to similar behaviors. In which case, they might be more sensitive to getting grossed out by another person, even for the seemingly smallest things.
The study analyzed “individual differences in disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and other-oriented perfectionism as correlates of the ick, as well as gender differences in ick familiarity and frequency,” according to the researchers. In doing so, they found that women (75%) were more likely than men (57%) to experience the ick.
“Greater disgust sensitivity was associated with both the likelihood and frequency of experiencing the ick, suggesting that heightened aversion to minor partner cues may shape mate rejection thresholds,” the study authors wrote.
Basically, the more easily grossed out you are, the more frequently you will experience the ick. Makes sense.
However, the researchers also found a correlation between the ick and both narcissism and perfectionism.
“Narcissism correlated with the likelihood—but not frequency—of experiencing the ick, indicating that narcissistic people may selectively reject partners based on specific perceived flaws,” they wrote. “Perfectionism was associated with both likelihood and frequency, suggesting that people with rigid standards experience the ick more often.”
“Findings suggest that while the ick may help people identify potential mate incompatibilities, it may also lead to overly rigid rejection standards,” the researchers concluded.
Look, it’s great to have high standards when it comes to dating. But those standards should be realistic and, well, helpful.
For example, a beneficial standard: wanting a respectful partner who is kind to others and practices good hygiene.
A non-beneficial standard: expecting a partner to never get food in their teeth or laugh above a certain volume.
You see the difference.
Basically, if you’re holding yourself to unattainable standards, likely due to perfectionism, you’ll probably hold your partner to them, too. This can make dating nearly impossible, as no one will ever be ick-free. We’re human.
If the ick stems from narcissism, well…that’s a whole other story—and probably one that needs to be explored in therapy.
The post Got the Ick? You Might Be a Perfectionist. appeared first on VICE.
