If you thought fantasy football was as far as civilization could fall, think again. Italy, the eternally caffeinated land of saints, pasta and Berlusconi parties (RIP), has cooked up a new national obsession: the Fantapapa.
It’s fantasy football — but for picking the next pope.
In a country where political coalitions are more fleeting than a TikTok trend, it’s only fitting that citizens have turned the sacred act of electing the Bishop of Rome into a game of points and papal penalties.
Although this might seem like a fanciful satire that Declassified made up, our staid imaginations could never invent something like this.
No, the game is real, and so is the app where you play it. Users can create their own avatars, get “re-baptized” (whatever that means) and join a league. Unclear if the League, the Italian political party, is among the options.
Once you’re signed in and freshly dipped in holy water, you can form a team of 11 papabili (lit. “pope-ables,” the cardinal contenders deemed most likely to don the white cassock). You can earn points based on media mentions, Vatican intrigue, and whether your team captain actually emerges on the balcony to wave like a lottery winner.
The rules involve a scoring matrix so Byzantine it could have been drafted during the Council of Trent. Picking a liberal? Risky. A traditionalist with podcast presence as your captain? That’s 10 points plus eternal glory.
There are, however, no points awarded for humility — historically the one trait required of actual popes. But who needs humility when your “Habemus Squad” team just leapfrogged the leaderboard because Cardinal Tiziocaiosempronio issued a spicy statement on climate change?
What started as a joke is now flirting dangerously with the country’s national sport. Naples bookmakers will start offering odds. Teenagers might soon be swapping “top 5 Jesuits” lists like Pokémon cards. So far, the app is ad-free, although one assumes the temptation to indulge in “Blessed by Barilla” sponsorships is rising faster than the incense smoke at St. Peter’s.
God may move in mysterious ways — but in Fantapapa, the points do all the talking.
CAPTION COMPETITION
“President Macron having a ‘Jim from The Office staring-at-the-camera’ moment.”
Can you do better? Email us at [email protected] or get in touch on X @POLITICOEurope.
Last week, we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our mailbag — there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze.
“I am not saying he will replace Pete, but Mr Bunny would be a great secretary of defense. He could do it, yes he could. Secretary Buns; beautiful Buns.”by Stefan de Koning
The post Fantapapa: Betting on God’s vibes only appeared first on Politico.
