Saturday Night Live kicked off this week’s cold open by introducing cast member Mikey Day as Trump’s Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller.
“Mr. President, it’s an absolute pleasure to be here‚” Day’s Miller said in a slimy, unsettling voice.
“Wow,” replied Trump, once again played by James Austin Johnson. “Even the nice things you say sound like Kylo Ren.”
Miller gave Trump some more executive orders to sign, riffing on how the real-life Trump has signed an unprecedently long list of controversial orders in his second term.
These joke executive orders included one to “reduce the number of interracial couples in TV commercials,” and one to “protect Columbus Day for our great Italian-American friends like Tony Soprano, Benny Blanco, and Childish Gambino.”
One executive order, as Miller described it, was to “make it socially acceptable for a man in his 70s to date a 24-year-old.”
“That’s right, we’re calling it the Belichick Law,” Trump announced, referring to the star football coach Bill Belichick and his much-discussed relationship with 24-year-old former cheerleader Jordon Hudson.
“We’re going to make girlfriends young again, okay?” Trump continued. “Old men can now date far younger women. We like that. It’s hot. But in reverse, it’s quite disgusting, right? Very Dateline, you know?”
When Miller referred to Belichick’s girlfriend as a “beautiful creature,” Trump replied, “God, you’re creepy. This is why we don’t hang out outside of work.”
Another one of Trump’s executive orders addressed “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling, who has become a controversial figure in recent years due to her comments against trans rights and her financial backing of anti-trans activist groups.
“Ah, Jackie Rowling,” Trump said. “We love Jackie. You know, she created a whole wizarding world, a wonderful place for overweight millennials to stake their entire identity, well past the point of it being cute.”
Trump joked, “‘I’m a Hufflepuff.’ No b—h, you work at Staples.”
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