For so many years of my life, food has been my biggest problem and my biggest crutch.
I’ve always felt like the fat friend in the group, never feeling truly comfortable in my own skin. I learned to just accept that I couldn’t wear what others were wearing because I didn’t have the body for it, and I covered myself up instead.
No surprise why I loved winter so much more than any other season.
This really took a toll on my mental health because, as my self-confidence plummeted, my anxiety soared. I didn’t have any self-respect left, and honestly, I think that was reflected in my relationships, my friendships, and even my job.
The worse things became, the less I’d leave the house because I was scared of what people thought of me. I turned to food instead for comfort, and it became my emotional support blanket.
It didn’t matter if I was sad, stressed, angry, or even on the rare occasions when I actually felt happy—I’d eat junk and snack through every emotion. It wasn’t even snacking that was my main problem, but it was my portion sizes. I could easily eat three times the average person’s portion for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I probably ate around 1,000 calories a day in pasta alone.
Even when I didn’t want to cook, I’d order takeout because I thought it would cheer me up. My go to weekly order from McDonald’s was a large McChicken sandwich meal, a triple cheeseburger, mozzarella sticks and a McFlurry or maybe a milkshake to wash it down.
Needless to say, my weight spiraled out of control and before I knew it, I weighed 18 stone and 7 pounds. I was wearing UK size 20-22 clothing and had no idea what I was doing to my body.
I rarely ever exercised, and if I did go for the occasional walk, my back and joints would hurt so much because of the weight I was putting on them. I feared going out for the day because I didn’t know how far I would be able to walk, or if I could keep up with others.
It felt like I’d reached my lowest ebb and my weight left me with no confidence, no friends, and no motivation.
How wrong I was, because in August 2023 I broke up with my partner who I’d bought a house with. Having to move back in with my dad and his partner as a 20-something showed me how low I’d fallen.
I felt like I had nothing going for me, trapped in a vicious cycle of emotional eating. I knew then that something needed to change.
My dad couldn’t be more different, as he’s spent the last decade going to the gym almost every day at 6:30 a.m. He suggested I go with him one too many times, and I kept saying no. But eventually I grew tired of fighting it, so I agreed to go once and give it a try.
I just thought it would get him off my back and I could go back to feeling sorry for myself after. I never could have expected it to have such a profound impact.
As soon as I arrived, a met a woman named Beth and she had the body I dreamed of having. I decided in that first gym session that I would look like her, no matter what it took to achieve.
She’s a petite woman who is fiercely strong and uses nutrition to nourish her body properly—which was somewhat of an alien concept to me. Seeing her take control of her health inspired me to do the same.
Meeting Beth changed everything for me because suddenly I wanted to be better and actually try. Not for anyone else, but for myself.
From then on, I started tracking my calories, making sure I was eating less than needed to maintain my weight, I started thinking about what I was putting into my body, and I added some form of protein or vegetable to my meals.
To my amazement, the weight started falling off after the first few weeks.
Suddenly, I felt empowered to start moving more because going to the gym each morning gave me purpose. I felt ready to try new things, embrace the world around me, and to socialize again.
I wasn’t just regaining my health, but I was regaining my life too.
After seeing early results, I continued to push myself and began paying attention to how I looked. For so many years, I didn’t care how I presented myself or what I wore because I just wanted to hide my body.
But that wasn’t the case anymore because I realized that, if I don’t respect myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
In just 18 months, I’ve lost 9 stone and 5 pounds, and I now proudly wear a UK size 6-8 in clothing.
I can now walk into a clothing store filled with confidence because I know they’ll stock my size, and I don’t gravitate to unflattering styles that just cover my entire body. I can sit in a cinema, or on a plane knowing that I don’t have to squeeze into the seat. I can cross my legs or go for a walk without fear of back pain.
Of course, there are still parts of my body that I don’t like, but I feel so much better now. I feel healthy, strong, and happy.
I’m grateful to have the support of my friends and family, and not to mention the thousands of social media followers I’ve gained. I recently started my fitness account on TikTok @melody.buck to motivate and inspire others because I know what it feels like to feel lost and in despair.
I want to be an example of realistic expectations when it comes to weight loss. It’s not about restricting your lifestyle or limiting what you put into your body, but rather, making the process enjoyable.
I’m still working out four to five times a week, usually doing three leg days, and two days of upper body workouts. Nowadays, a typical day includes protein porridge with fruit for breakfast, a sandwich or salad for lunch, and I try to be more creative in the evenings now too. I allow myself to eat what I want, but I find the lowest calorie way of doing it.
It’s still a mental battle to overcome emotional eating, and some days are harder than others.
In those moments, I remind myself what I’ve achieved through hard work and discipline. I tell myself that I don’t need that doughnut or staying in bed an hour longer isn’t going to give me the same feeling as getting up and going to the gym.
I never even dreamed of this happening because it once seemed so impossible.
For anyone else who is struggling as much as I was, just know that you can achieve anything you want if you find the strength and determination. Life can get in the way at times, but you shouldn’t give up. Just take things slow and steady and make sure it’s sustainable.
If I hadn’t started this weight loss journey, I have no idea where I would be now.
Everything in my life changed, and while I know this would be unmanageable for others, it was exactly what I needed to do for myself. I have a newfound respect for myself and that gives me the confidence to walk into a room and feel good.
Melody Buck, 23, from the United Kingdom is a customer success manager who one day hopes to become a fitness instructor. She has bought a house with her new partner and plans to lose 3 more pounds before reaching her goal weight.
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