Dating is hard enough today, but now we need to worry about getting yap-trapped on a first date? That sounds exhausting.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on countless first dates where the other person clearly needed a diary more than a girlfriend. But because I’m more comfortable listening than speaking myself, I usually let them drone on for hours without asking me a single question.
Little did I know, I’d been a victim of the infamous “yap trapping.”
What is yap trapping?
You’ve probably heard of the term “yapper,” which is basically a person who loves to talk your ear off. There’s nothing inherently wrong with yappers. In fact, they can be quite endearing sometimes.
However, if they’re unaware of their tendency to rattle on without consideration of those around them, things can get tense, especially in a dating context.
“Yap trapping is when one person is doing the majority of the talking and is focusing solely on themselves,” explained Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, relationship expert at the dating app Hily.
This form of yapping can even be manipulative at times.
“In some cases, it can also move to a darker place, which is when the person who is yap trapping is engaging in this behavior to steer the conversation in a specific direction,” Cohen explained.
How does yap trapping impact relationships?
You know what they say: opposites attract. Oftentimes, successful relationships blossom when a yapper meets a soft-spoken listener.
However, if there’s an imbalance in communication, the quieter partner might feel less important or considered, while the talkative partner dominates most conversations.
“Yap trapping can have negative consequences on relationships, because there is a lack of mutual sharing,” Cohen said. “The person who is doing all of the talking is not getting to know their partner.”
Not to mention, “It’s important for both partners to feel heard and understood in order to create a strong and loving relationship,” she added.
How to prevent yap trapping on a date
You can usually identify yap trapping early on in an interaction, and thankfully, there are ways to address it.
“Have a clear and honest conversation about what you’re noticing,” Cohen said. “Use I language, which is when you point out the specific behavior and share how it makes you feel. This alerts your partner to the issue (the yap trapping) and gives them insight into how it is affecting you.”
And if you’re the one who’s more prone to yapping, Cohen recommended staying curious.
“This will shift your mindset in a way so that you ask more questions/follow-up questions,” she said. “Also, hone your active listening skills. By developing an appreciation for being in the moment and engaged while someone is sharing, you can gain a new appreciation for allowing someone else to take the lead.”
Especially on first dates, many daters tend to be nervous and end up talking too much. You don’t have to immediately write someone off because of this habit.
However, it’s good to be aware of how the other person makes you feel. Do you feel heard and listened to, or do you feel like you were their therapist the entire date? Trust your intuition.
The post What Is Yap Trapping and How Can You Avoid It? appeared first on VICE.
