As a wedding planner, I often see guests make the same 11 mistakes

In my many years as a professional wedding planner, I’ve learned a thing or two about the people who attend my events.

Here are the most common mistakes I see wedding guests make, and how to avoid them.

Waiting until the last minute to RSVP or not doing so at all

A wedding isn’t like a normal party where you can see how you feel in the morning and decide then if you’ll attend or not.

Whether it’s a backyard potluck or a formal dinner, the event often involves catering, and whoever’s providing the food must know how many people to plan for. 

When you refuse to RSVP, you force the couple to track down the information when they’re already busy trying to plan their wedding. 

Acting like you know the couple better than they know themselves

Believe people getting married when they tell you what they do or don’t want, especially when it comes to registries and gifts.

If the couple asks for cash, donations to nonprofits, or non-physical presents like gift cards or experiences, please don’t tell them they’re wrong and buy them a vase.

The best gift you can give as a guest is respecting their wishes.

Leaving favors behind at the venue

I know none of us need more monogrammed knickknacks, but just grab the darn coozie, OK?

You can toss it or, ideally, recycle it as soon as you get home, but if you leave it at the wedding, you’re just giving the couple more to clean up.

And a tip for couples: If you give favors, try to make them something that won’t end up in a landfill.

Not speaking up about something that’s making you nervous to attend the wedding

In some situations, wedding guests need certain things to feel safe while celebrating.

They may need information about a venue’s accessibility, confirmation that the food won’t cause an allergic reaction and/or violate a religious belief, or space to breastfeed, to name a few. 

In an ideal world, the couple will proactively provide this information, but some things fall through the cracks.

If you need something from the couple, please tell them with kindness, empathy, and notice. They want you to enjoy yourself as much as possible — that’s why they invited you in the first place.

Asking the couple questions before reading the materials they’ve sent you

As a guest, you’ve likely received at least some correspondence from the couple. Often it’s a save-the-date or an invite, but sometimes it’s a wedding website, Facebook group, or long text thread.

Whatever the medium, please do the reading. 

Those messages contain vital information about the wedding — most critically, they should detail when the ceremony starts. Don’t be the guest who asks the couple for this information the night before the wedding.

Not keeping track of your personal belongings

It never fails to amaze me what a wedding guest will leave out for anyone to grab — purses, phones, credit cards. I’ve seen it all sprawled out on tables as the guests dance the night away.

This advice isn’t to scare you into thinking someone will steal your stuff — just try to remember where you put it. Ideally, keep your belongings at your seat.

It’s much easier to locate these items (or, as often happens, have a sober vendor help you find them) if we can narrow down where you’ve been.

Being unprepared to get a little hungry

The biggest complaint I hear from guests is that they’re hungry.

Although I agree that the best parties have plenty of good food, sometimes a couple literally can’t afford to give you the five-course meal of your dreams. Or, you might have to wait longer than expected to chow down.

So, pack a few backup snacks in your bag or glove compartment in case you need them to avoid being hangry all day.

Acting rude toward vendors

Wedding vendors build their businesses on serving others, but that doesn’t mean you should take advantage of them.

Guests can forget this, particularly after a few trips to the bar, but don’t make a fool of yourself by snapping your fingers at the caterer or telling the florist how to do their job.

Treat the vendors like you would want to be treated.

Bringing a big or heavy gift to the wedding

I love the statement you’re trying to make with that giant, 50-pound present. However, what’s the couple supposed to do with it at the end of the night?

In nearly all situations, anything brought to a wedding must be removed the same day. That means your love token just became the problem of whichever VIP guest was tasked with clean-up.

Please make it easy for everyone and have big gifts mailed to the couple directly. If you feel odd arriving empty-handed to a wedding, bring a card and use it to tell the couple what you sent them. 

Arriving late to the ceremony because you didn’t factor in travel and parking time

Please show up to the ceremony on time.

As a guest, factor in your travel time, possible traffic, and how long it could take to park so you don’t arrive late.

A lot of this information may be readily accessible on the invitation. If it’s not, you have Google. Use it.

Forgetting that, as a guest, the wedding isn’t about you

The purpose of a wedding isn’t to spend the most money, wear the nicest clothes, or eat the best food. 

The goal of a wedding is to celebrate the start of a marriage, so challenge yourself to center the couple in your thoughts throughout the big day and planning process.

Ask yourself if your complaint helps the couple accomplish their goal. If not, try to keep it to yourself. 

This story was originally published on February 2, 2022, and most recently updated on April 28, 2025.

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