If your public incompetence in your high-profile role prevents you from being the government’s golden boy, you can still aim for bronze—by installing a makeup studio in the Pentagon to make sure that all pores are blurred and glows are sun-kissed. That appears to be the strategy Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is running with lately, reportedly ordering modifications to a green room in the Pentagon to make it a glam room for himself and other high-ranking officials before on-camera appearances.
CBS News reported the decor changes to the green room Wednesday, citing sources familiar with the upgrades. The outlet reported that Hegseth approved the addition of additional lighting, mirrors, and a director’s chair, among other furnishings, to optimize the space for grooming. Hegseth, meanwhile, reported via social media the same day that CBS should maybe shut the hell up, fitting plenty of scare quotes and even a surprise jab at gender equity and DEI into the tweet.
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“1) Totally fake story,” Hegseth sniped. “No ‘orders’ and no ‘makeup’—but whatever.”
“2) We should have installed tampon machines in every men’s bathroom at DoD instead — the leftist ‘news’ media would have loved that,” he continued. I…what? First of all, wow, guess someone’s got tampons front-of-mind. Kind of weird, but everyone has their passions. And, b, they don’t need to be in a machine. A tasteful wicker basket will do the job just fine.
Hegseth was, until recently, a co-anchor on Fox and Friends Weekend, a gig that prioritizes a certain degree of jawline definition above, oh, understanding of and sane takes on current events. Hegseth, plucked and preened over on a daily basis as a matter of routine, is barely even pretending like he’s not an obvious sign that the White House and Pentagon have become remote broadcast studios for the conservative media outlet he purportedly left behind. Consider: He even brought his own producer with him. That would be Jennifer Rauchet, Hegseth’s third wife and former Fox producer, the one Hegseth included on that other Signal chat distributing plans for a U.S. military strike on Yemen, not to mention sensitive meetings with high-ranking foreign officials. A scheduling reminder to one’s spouse along the lines of “don’t forget, Johnny has soccer practice at 6:30 and you know he gets grumpy if you forget his artistically carved fruits!” is acceptable, understandable. “We deploy at 1600 hours,” however, is not.
A Defense Department official told Vanity Fair that while initial quotes for the green room’s glow-up were in the “$10-15k range,” they took a cue from Tim Gunn and made it work, with the final cost described by the official as “marginal—a few hundred dollars to cut, stain, and install a wooden countertop in the room.” The official said that they cut costs by scavenging supplies and focusing on “recycled furniture modifications—a director’s style chair, mirror, and a makeup light—all of which were added from existing inventories. A countertop was added and constructed internally by the Facilities Services Directorate, Washington Headquarters Services.”
So, yeah, Pete, like you said, “no ‘makeup’” was included in the upgrade, nor did anyone say it was. Besides, we all know that you should bring your own shade-matched base to make sure you don’t look weird on camera.
The DoD official added via email, “For this upgrade we were deliberately conservative and opted for several less expensive, on-hand materiel [sic] solutions that provide the Secretary and other VIPs the needed support and space for on-camera press engagements.”
On social media, the DoD’s rapid response account also threw down the old “fake news” card with gusto, sharing a photo purportedly of the room in question and adding “this story is TRASH!”
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And, lo, the continued Fox Newsification of Trump’s administration has never been more apparent. There are many actual alums of the network, enough for an enterprising mind to write their own version of Lou Bega’s “Mambo Number 5” if they were in the mood: Beyond Hegseth himself, there’s Kimberly Guilfoyle (ambassador to Greece, former fiancée of Donald Trump Jr. and The Five co-host, left the network in 2018 amidst sexual harassment claims, which she denied), Sean Duffy (transportation secretary, former Fox Business personality and spouse of Rachel Campos-Duffy, who shared the anchor desk with Hegseth), Dr. Mehmet Oz (newly confirmed as top medicare and medicaid administrator, appeared on Fox so often that I had to Google whether he’s an actual doctor or more of a Meredith Grey situation. Save you a click: He has put little knives into people’s hearts before! On purpose! And allowed!), Sergio Gor (director of White House personnel, former Fox News talent booker), Tulsi Gabbard (director of national intelligence, filled in behind the desk for Tucker Carlson not infrequently), Mike Huckabee (ambassador to Israel, had his own show)—the list, believe it or not, goes on.
And then there are those who behave and present themselves as though they’re Fox personalities, like Department of Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem, whose frequent costume changes—a cowboy hat for a ride along the border, a firefighter helmet to really blend in with the Coast Guard—only serve to highlight how much of an outsider she is to the agencies she’s purported to lead, the pageantry and playacting with which Trump’s top officials treat their duties. Remember, Noem showed up to an ICE raid with her hair in barrel curls and a $50,000 Rolex watch on her wrist—and then tweeted about the whole thing before it was even over. Content creation never sleeps, baby! Perennial Trump favorite and one-time Attorney General nominee (ugh, those multiple charges of sexual misconduct are such a nuisance, even when you deny them!) Matt Gaetz is still hanging around. The former congressman has never met a white pillowcase he couldn’t leave streaky bronzer stains on, and remember his whole uncannily smooth brow debacle at the Republican National Convention last summer? Still waiting on bestie to drop the brow gel rec, honestly. Nobody comes by mid-arch points so spiky naturally. Plus there’s JD Vance’s whole…endealment.
So, yeah, given the aesthetics-forward vibe of Trump’s top brass, it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that whatever cuts DOGE has been able to make have been in service of a buried budget line item for Cabinet veneers. Like, not cupboards in the building. Teeth. Blindingly white people teeth. Are we at all shocked that the Pentagon now has a dedicated get-pretty room?
Where else would Hegseth prep for, say, a video that really could have been a press release, featuring the secretary in full face, professionally lit in front of a soft-focus background, starting off strong before devolving into squinting down at a document in his lap and reading off of it like it was the first time he’d seen it in his life? Could have used another rehearsal or four, but, hey, doesn’t his hair look fantastic?
As Hegseth continues to face the consequences of his own many gaffes, Trump and Vance, not to mention his old (Fox and) friends, insist that they stand by the defensive defense dude. After all, you can’t keep a diva down for long.
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The post Pete Hegseth Priced Out a “$10-15k” Makeup Room for the Pentagon, But Settled For a Glam Countertop appeared first on Vanity Fair.
