It’s not celibacy. It’s not a nun phase. And it’s definitely not about moral high ground.
Boysober—a term coined by Brooklyn comedian Hope Woodard—is the latest dating detox gaining traction, especially among Gen Z women who are tired of investing their time, bodies, and brain space into men who couldn’t even plan a second date.
The rules? Loosely defined. The point? Step away from dating, hookups, and emotional labor for men (or anyone, really), and refocus that energy inward. “You’re not sober if someone is taking up your brain space,” Woodard said on the Savage Love podcast.
Unlike traditional celibacy, boysober doesn’t preach purity. It’s not rooted in religion or shame. It’s about autonomy—and opting out of a culture that treats women’s attention as a given and their bodies as part of the deal. “I hate ‘celibacy’ so much,” Woodard told The New York Times. “Boysober is about taking time to pause, reflect, and reprioritize—not to gain male approval.”
What started at a comedy show in Brooklyn is now a full-blown social shift. On TikTok, the hashtag is flooded with women clocking out of the dating scene and into a new kind of clarity. Woodard herself says she’s had plenty of sex—just not always on her own terms. “I’m a little bit angry at myself and angry at all the sex that I’ve had that I feel like I didn’t choose,” she said.
Boysober is the backlash to hookup culture fatigue. It’s for people who are tired of being love-bombed, ghosted, benched, breadcrumbed, or whatever new dating horror term just dropped.
It’s not about quitting sex. It’s about deciding what it actually means to say yes—and learning how to say no without guilt.
Writer Dana DuBois, 53, told Today that her “mansober” phase gave her a calmer heart and a clearer head. “I feel more connected to my own desires and what I want from relationships,” she said. It’s less about swearing off love, and more about not losing yourself trying to earn it.
Call it dating burnout recovery. Call it emotional minimalism. Or don’t call it anything. For a growing number of people, boysober isn’t a sacrifice—it’s a reset. And for once, the return on investment is actually personal.
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