Did you know April 30th is National Honesty Day? What better day to reflect on some hard truths… like the fact that you might be sabotaging your relationships?
Trust me, I get it. Dating today feels like walking through a minefield. With so many ill-intended daters and weird relationship trends, it’s no shock that many of us feel hopeless in our pursuits to find true love.’
However, it’s also important to recognize some of the harmful ways you might be showing up in the dating world. Whether you’re too closed off after a painful past or you’re simply not putting in the effort to meet new people, you might be passively contributing to your singlehood.
Why Are You Still Single? Get the Answer Ahead of National Honesty Day.
Of course, this is only the case for those individuals who want to find a partner and build a relationship. If you’re simply not interested and feel content on your own, there’s no reason to question why you’re still single, as it’s merely a choice.
But on the other hand, if you’re eager to fall in love and simply not having any luck, the following tips might help you.
Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, and a relationship expert from the dating app Hily, explained that many people aren’t actually looking for a relationship, despite desperately wanting one.
“Sure, it’s important to devote time to family, friends, careers, etc.,” she said. “But to find a relationship, you need to actively look.”
This might mean hopping on the dating apps, talking to people when you’re out and about, and actually saying yes to dates, which can be intimidating and time-consuming.
“But if you don’t invest the time or effort to put yourself out there, you’ll probably remain single,” Cohen said.
Another reason you might be falling short of your perfect match is that you don’t actually know what you want.
“If you don’t know what you need in a partner, that’s okay,” Cohen reassured. “A lot of people are dating around to figure out what they want. But this uncertainty may be why you’re still single.”
She added that if you’re questioning your wants and needs in a relationship, it might benefit you to spend more time dating different people and getting to know yourself before jumping into a relationship.
Which leads me to her next point: stop focusing so much on defining the relationship right away.
“Maybe in your quest to get together, you’re not taking the time to get to know the person,” Cohen explained. “Or maybe you’re trying to speed it up, resorting to manipulations like lovebombing, floodlighting, or future faking.”
Instead of trying to rush things, allow each relationship to follow its own pace—on a reasonable timeline, of course. You don’t want to end up in a situationship, but you also don’t want to force a connection with someone you barely even know.
And of course, Cohen proposed the age-old advice of being true to yourself.
“Pretending to be something you’re not may be ending your potential relationships before they really start,” she said. “Maybe you’re too focused on what others might want from a partner, trying to mold yourself to fit them. Or maybe you’re trying to get more people to like you.”
“In a longer-term relationship, there will inevitably come a time to reveal who you are,” she added. “Be yourself so that the relationships you form are based on true compatibility and connection.”
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