We talk a lot about men feeling pressure to perform in bed. What we don’t talk about is how that pressure is quietly screwing with women, too.
A new ZipHealth survey of 1,000 heterosexual women found that 78 percent have been with a partner who struggled with sexual performance anxiety, and the emotional fallout doesn’t just stay on his side of the bed.
Women are contorting themselves (sometimes literally) to protect fragile egos, faking orgasms, and blaming themselves when things go south.
More Women Are Faking Orgasms to Keep the Peace, Not for Pleasure
Nearly half assumed they were the problem the first time it happened. A quarter said it made them feel less attractive. And 65 percent admitted they’ve changed how they act during sex just to avoid hurting a guy’s feelings. That means downplaying what they want, over-accommodating what he needs, or skipping sex altogether to avoid awkwardness.
One-third of women said they’ve faked an orgasm just to keep things from getting uncomfortable. Another 28 percent dodged the topic entirely. And when some finally did speak up? 19 percent said they got gaslighted—told they were imagining things or making it worse.
Porn isn’t helping, either. According to 59 percent of women, it’s warping expectations and messing with confidence. Instead of open conversations, though, women are left doing the emotional labor of quietly fixing what isn’t theirs to fix.
Still, most stayed. A full 91 percent remained in the relationship, with nearly half actively comforting their partners. The most common strategy? Not making a big deal out of it. Just letting him work through it and pretending nothing’s wrong—because apparently that’s the path of least resistance.
Others tried reassurance or focused on emotional connection over performance. Some waited for their partner to bring it up first, which, let’s be honest, rarely happens. Only 22 percent of women said they felt totally comfortable having the conversation.
Performance anxiety might stem from stress, insecurity, or unrealistic expectations, but women are the ones bending over backwards to accommodate it. They’re absorbing the awkwardness, the silence, the bruised egos—and doing it all with a smile and a fake orgasm.
Until men get more comfortable talking about their own insecurities, women will keep carrying the weight. Silently, awkwardly, and in some cases, on top.
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