Eight years after stinking up The Last Jedi, Kelly Marie Tran is still whining about Star Wars fans, is co-starring in a new movie about lesbian Asians, and has come out of the closet as “queer” (I have no idea what “queer” means and, fearing the photos, will not Google it).
Oh, and Tran still needs to spend more time on a treadmill.
Tran’s fawning interview with the far-left Variety reads like a brilliant piece of satire poking fun at self-important actresses and Hollywood’s obsession with pushing woketardery and homosexuality on everyone.
“I’ve been able to learn how to celebrate the parts of myself that, at the time [of The Last Jedi], I was scared of, or I was made to feel like I had to be ashamed of,” she told Variety. “This past year, I did four movies, and they were all Asian stories with Asian writer-directors, and a few of those were also queer writer-directors.”
“I don’t want to hide this part of myself that I’m celebrating in this beautiful piece of art,” Tran continues. The “entire experience [of making the movie] was about celebrating queerness and celebrating chosen family and celebrating queer joy, which I didn’t know I needed so badly at that point in my life.”
Allow me to stop here to speak the truthiest truth in Truthdom: Besides being insufferable, people who celebrate their identity as some sort of accomplishment deserve to have their identity ridiculed. Bragging about your identity is like bragging about winning at Bingo. Ooh, tell me how you made that happen.
Get a load of Tran’s new movie, which sounds like someone used the wipings from an Oberlin College toilet to grow the script in a petri dish…
Check all the boxes!
CHECK THEM ALL!!
Tran leads the heartfelt rom-com as Angela, a scientist who is one-fourth of a cohabitating queer friend group living in Seattle. Angela and her partner, Lee (Lily Gladstone), want to start a family, but Lee’s costly IVF treatments aren’t working. Another couple, Chris (Bowen Yang) and Min (Han Gi-Chan), live in their garage. When Min’s wealthy grandmother (Youn Yuh-jung) pressures him to leave his artist life behind for an important role in the family’s corporation in Korea, Min scrambles to find a way to stay in the U.S., given that his student visa is about to become invalid. His plan? Stage a marriage to Angela to secure a green card, and he’ll pay for Lee’s IVF treatment in return.
And then, after someone dies of the measles in a wheelchair, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. runs over the corpse with a Tesla covered in MAGA stickers.
Actually, I’d see that movie.
This is hilarious… “When she read the script, Tran was struck by how similar she was to Angela. There were coincidences, like the fact that they both drive a Prius and the movie was originally set in Los Angeles, where Tran resides.” Well…
Knock me over with a feather.
“A lot has changed for Tran since Star Wars,” Variety writes. “But as she looks back on her experience with that fandom, she knows that the racism she faced was symptomatic of a larger, continuing issue.”
“It’s interesting how it seems to be happening pretty consistently to actors of color who find themselves in these spaces,” the DEI-beneficiary whines. “And I think these occurrences are a microcosm for the social climate that we’re living in. And it’s really unfortunate.”
No, what’s unfortunate is the most privileged people in the world publicly whining about what’s unfortunate.
Until someone like Tran demands we care, no one cares about anyone’s bedroom habits or skin color. But when someone like Tran leads with her chin, this is America, and decent Americans will always ridicule your unearned smugness.
I’m sure that sometime soon, when this unappealing crybully needs more attention, next up, she’ll transition into a chubby man.
Man, I sure miss the old days when “lesbian Asian movies” really meant something.
P.S. Lily Gladstone (who is also “queer”) is in Wedding Banquet, so you know the unearned smug will be off the charts, and no treadmills were allowed on the set.
John Nolte’s first and last novel, Borrowed Time, is winning five-star raves from everyday readers. You can read an excerpt here and an in-depth review here. Also available in hardcover and on Kindle and Audiobook.
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