Blue Prince, Dogubomb’s rogue-like puzzle adventure game, has quickly become a favorite here at Polygon, and for good reason. And it should come as no surprise that I am also hip deep in the strange mansion of Herbert S. Sinclair, drafting rooms, hoarding keys, and bartering coins.
I’m a known simp for the Series of Freaky Li’l Rooms Exploration genre, and the combo of a weekend-long puzzle room via a lavishly furnished Airbnb — not unlike Blue Prince’s Mount Holly Estate — would honestly be my ideal vacation.
It must be said that there are many ways in which Mount Holly, a mansion in which the rooms are different every day, would not be a good vacation stay. And yet, only one of those ways has occupied my mind from the moment I realized it, and is with me with every draft and draw.
Mount Holly is a 46-room house with only one small lavatory.
Oh, shit
Let’s set aside for a moment that you might not even draw the Lavatory on a given “Day” of exploration in Mount Holly. And let’s set aside that you might not even draft it into the house if you did, because it’s a dead end with no reward — mechanically, building the Lavatory is strongly disincentivized.
We’d still be talking about a mansion with nearly 50 rooms, including quarters for a staff of about half a dozen, and even some workspaces for professionals who do not stay in the mansion itself. And yet it has the same number of bathrooms, toilets, bathtubs, and showers as my one-bedroom apartment.
The alternatives don’t bear talking about, but let’s consider some anyway: The Pool? Gross. The Sauna? Simply not the same. There’s a Locker Room, but it has no showers. There are various rooms with various vanities and mirrors where one might touch up one’s appearance, but where it concerns the absolutely most important function of a bathroom, there is only the Lavatory.
As I realized the enormity of Mount Holly’s sanitary deficiencies, I began to consider the logistics of a house this massive and well-staffed having only one toilet. With growing horror, the mansion’s copious gardens loomed in my mind. Has everyone been relieving themselves over the side of the green tiles? Is this why those rooms have so many mounds of freshly turned earth?
Desperate measures
It’s not too late, nor would it be very disruptive, I think, for Dogubomb to correct this.
For one thing, in a home so opulent as to have a bedroom, master bedroom, boudoir, and chambers specifically for the woman of the house, there ought to at least be a Master Bathroom. It could have a second door, to offer more utility than the Lavatory. Or there could be an En Suite bathroom that could only be drafted, or would offer some reward for drafting it, next to a bedroom.
There could even be an Outhouse, whether as a tile or a freestanding structure on the Grounds! I’m less sure what utility that would have to the game — maybe it could have a random one of the game’s books in it each time it’s drafted.
But until any of these fixes are implemented, I’ll be here, wondering if the step count is really just a measure of how long until Simon, Blue Prince’s 14-year-old protagonist, absolutely has to go out in the woods to pee.
The post I’ve been consumed by Blue Prince’s true mystery: Where the hell are you supposed to pee? appeared first on Polygon.
