It was 2018 when I last interviewed Brittany Cartwright. At the time, Vanderpump Rules—a Bravo reality show about a group of hot young staffers at SUR, a West Hollywood restaurant and lounge co-owned by Lisa Vanderpump—was an established hit, though it was yet to reach a post-Scandoval level of public consciousness. Jax Taylor still considered himself the “number one guy” in the group, while Cartwright, then his fiancé, was in the unforeseen position of being the only cast member who appeared to get along with everyone.
“It was a fun time in my life,” Cartwright tells me now, nearly seven years later. “I mean, things weren’t always perfect, but it was a very good time. I was very optimistic and hopeful for the future. I honestly thought me and Jax would be together forever back then.”
For a while, it appeared possible. Though the two had weathered their share of drama—including their own cheating scandal and a drunken sunglasses-stealing incident, both of which were instigated by Taylor—things seemed on the upswing by the time the couple left the show in 2020. The space, physically and mentally, from SUR was positive too, for the most part. The couple had already left scene-y West Hollywood behind for the more suburban Valley Village when they welcomed their son, Cruz, and started a podcast together called When Reality Hits.
“It’s not like the relationship was ever perfect,” Cartwright says. “Even on Vanderpump Rules, we had awful times that were on the show, and we had many great times that were on the show. It’s just—obviously, the best time in your life is whenever you have your kids. Things were good for a while.”
So good, in fact, that they started filming a new reality series focused on their relationship and tight circle of friends, most of whom were also new parents. Called The Valley, it was an instant hit when it aired in early 2024 and became Bravo’s most-watched series premiere in nearly 10 years.
“We thought we were going to go into season one being a strong couple, and it just demolished [our relationship,]” she says. By the finale, Cartwright had moved into a rental and separated from Taylor.
The separation was good for Cartwright, she tells me. Really good. “I was like, wow, this is peace,” she says. Meanwhile, she says Taylor was “pretty much spiraling out of control.” It hit a low point last July, a few days before the second season was slated to begin filming, when she says Taylor saw old text messages between Cartwright and a former friend of his, Julian Sensley, whom she had briefly dated after their separation. He “went berserk,” she says, to the point that she considered calling the police. Cartwright, not wanting their young son to be around the arguing any longer, says this further solidified for her that separating had been the right decision. Taylor entered rehab for cocaine and alcohol addiction, before returning for a second stint later that year.
Viewers will see all this—and more, of course—in season two of The Valley. But naturally, Cartwright is anxious about seeing such a negative period of her life play out on screen again. “I am worried about it,” she says. “It’s always hard to relive what you went through months ago, but it’s all been very public already. Our separation was public. Our divorce filing is public. These podcasts are public. So, there’s already a lot, but there’s so much more this season coming out that is going to shock everybody. People are really going to get to see a look into what I’ve had to deal with.”
They’ll also see a stronger, more empowered Cartwright—a woman she describes as “mama bear,” who is willing to make hard decisions and completely upend her life for the sake of her son. Here, Cartwright opens up with Glamour about how she got to that place and what’s still to come.
Glamour: I want to go back to when I last interviewed you. It was December 20th, 2018. How do you feel now, looking back at that period of your life?
Brittany Cartwright: I was engaged, I was excited to get married. I thought our marriage was going to be forever. Of course you don’t marry somebody thinking that it’s not going to work. But I’ve changed so much in many different ways.
A big thing about me is that after I had my son, it really opened my eyes to what I was going through. I’ve gained a lot of strength, and I’m able to take care of myself more and put me and my son first. I knew that he needed to have a happy mom. And things had gotten so bad, I was like, I’ve got to do this. Mama Bear has to come out, and I have to do what’s right for him.
Do you remember the first time you had that epiphany of, “Wait, this is not what I want for my son?”
I didn’t really confront a lot of what was going on in our relationship. I ignored a lot of things because I was in love. I had a family, and I didn’t want to break that up. I really wanted to try to fix our relationship and try to change [Jax]. All the empty promises that were made—like he was going to change, he was going to do this, he was going to do that. It just didn’t happen for so many years. Finally, I had enough.
It wasn’t just one single thing. It was a lot of different times that had piled up over the years. And finally, one morning he came into my room after I had been out with Kristen [Doute] to dinner the night before. Jax had stayed out all night, so he slept in the guest room. He comes in my room at like 8 a.m. He had made up a story in his mind that I was talking about my relationship with Kristen all night. He never wanted me to vent to my friends—he had this weird anxiety about it—and he just made up a whole story. He was telling me I had no friends, and that they’re only trying to use me because of our relationship. I stayed very calm, and I was like, “You either have to get out of this house, or I have to.” So that day, me and Cruz went and stayed at the first rental house.
So having that space and stepping away gave you more perspective?
Oh, yeah. It was like a veil was lifted. Something about his energy is just—[when] he’s in a great mood, everybody wants to be around him, and he’s a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun in our relationship; it wasn’t all bad stuff. But then, he also had this really negative energy that the whole room could feel if he walked in, if he was in a bad mood, or if it was a day after he had been out partying all night. I started breaking out in hives all the time, and I was sick a lot. I think a lot of it was because of the everyday stress that I had going on in my life.
Once I got into my first rental house, I got it for a month at first, and I was like, wow, this is peace. It wasn’t easy by any means. I was still in love with him at the time, but I knew I had to leave. I’ll never regret that decision now. There’s no going back. Being able to be away, have my own space, and not have that negative energy constantly around me that was bringing me down all the time… I was not myself. I always say, I was losing my sparkle. I’ve been trying to work on getting that back.
Those early days, what was your support system?
Oh my gosh, my family, my friends. I had support from everybody, literally everybody. I think a lot of my family and my friends saw how he treated me. He didn’t care. He wanted to put on a front on Instagram and social media and stuff like that—that things were perfect. That’s what everybody does. You’re not going to show all your bad stuff.
But if the cameras weren’t around, or even if they were around, people saw how he had treated me. They know gritty details, so a lot of my friends, before I even filed and got separated, were like, “You’ve got to talk to lawyers just to start protecting yourself.”
When people would say things like, “You got to protect yourself,” what would your response be?
I was always like, “I know, I know, I know.” It just took me time to do it for myself, because it was just so hard. It’s hard to leave. It really is. Especially when you have a child. I know I did what was best, and I’m proud of myself for doing it, but it’s not always easy to leave. People give me hate and shame about that all the time. They’re always like, “You knew. We all knew that he was not good for you. We all knew that watching the show.” And I’m like, “You guys don’t understand what it’s like.” The ups and the downs and the good times and the bad times and dealing with somebody who is on your emotions all the time. It’s hard. It can be very hard to get away.
I think there’s a lot of nuance missed when critics say, “You knew what he was like.” Like you said, when you left the house you had more clarity because you were away from the situation. I remember in our last interview, you spoke at length about how much he changed after his father passed. So, there’s this belief that he’s capable of change…
Exactly. And that’s all I wanted, because I didn’t want to have to get a divorce or do anything like that. I would always believe that he would change. I would always believe he would do the things I asked, or work on himself, or us working on things together. And it just never happened. He’s trying to work on himself a lot more now than he ever did the whole 10 years that we were together. I’m glad that he’s trying to get better, but it’s way too little too late for me.
What do you think is motivating the change now?
That I put my foot down. I was like, “You have to go to rehab. You have to.” I got people involved. I think he was worried about losing his son, of course. I think he was worried about losing his job. I think he was worried about all of those things combined. I’m grateful that he’s sober. I hope that he truly is, but I don’t know if Jax Taylor will actually change.
I would love to hear about the place you’re in now—as a woman, as a parent, with your own growth in the past year.
I feel like I’m starting to get over the hump. It has been over a year now, but I rule the roost. Jax knows that he has to do the right things because of everything that he’s put me through. It’s hard to explain, really, but I don’t let shit slide anymore, at all, whatsoever. So a lot of that has changed. I wear the pants right now, and that’s not going to change. I’m going to be Mama Bear for the rest of Cruz’s life.
How does that feel? Because as a viewer, when we were introduced to you on Vanderpump Rules so many years ago, it was positioned as, like, “Brittany’s so sweet, and she gets along with everybody!” You were seen sort of a people pleaser, for lack of a better term. So, now to have that control, how does that feel?
It feels good. I’m so proud of myself for being able to gain that strength. I’m not going to lie, I still am a people pleaser. I hope that people still think I’m nice, and I do get along with everybody, literally get along with everybody but Jax. So I still hope that people see that same sweetness and that same side of me, because it’s still there. It’s just dealing with this, I have to be strong. I have to separate myself from that situation. Everything has changed in that way. I’m not going to put up with stuff.
Can we go back a little bit in the timeline—you left in January, so when did you start filming the new season?
July.
So you had, by that point, been separated for a few months?
Yeah, like six months. He tries to make it seem like he only freaked out because of Julian. [Ed note: In the season two premiere of The Valley, Taylor and Cartwright both outline a fight that occurred after Taylor found messages between Cartwright and his former friend, Julian Sensley, on an iPad.] And I’m like, “Dude, I left you January 24th.” Also, it was not an isolated incident. There were many incidents that happened that led me to leave in the first place. I need to make that clear, because he wants to try to make it look like it was just because he saw a text message from Julian or whatever. I’m like, “Come on!”
That’s important context because if you’ve been separated for months, it’s not like you started talking to his friend the day after you left.
No, no, it wasn’t the day after we left. Also, we had already been separated. I had only talked to that one guy, and he went through my private iPad, not even my phone, and found old messages. I wasn’t home, but he was watching Cruz and went through my private stuff. I came home to him in a rage. He had already known about [Julian] at this point. He already knew before he found those messages. It was the messages that happened two days before we started filming that made him throw all the furniture and do all the crazy stuff; we almost had to call the cops. [Jax and I] had been hanging out a little bit more right before [filming], but me and Julian at that point weren’t even hanging out anymore.
So they were old messages?
Yes, from my iPad. I don’t think that [Jax and I] were ever fully going to get back together because I had just, right before we started filming, signed another rental contract for three months. So I was still planning very much to not live there, but we were getting along a little bit better. And you try for your family—you think maybe, maybe, maybe, whatever. But then he went crazy, and then it was like, “Nope. This is going to be who you are for the rest of your life, so no, we’re never going to be able to get back together.”
Is it still that way or has it gotten better?
Some days are better. I think things are better with[out] his drinking and his cocaine use. I do believe that’s better, but his personality is still the same. He’s trying not to yell at me and stuff, but he still to this day is like, “Who are you talking to? Do you have guys?” Questioning me about my personal life, if I’m dating and stuff like that. And then he’ll start an argument with me about that.
So, how do you co-parent now?
I have Cruz the majority of the time. [Jax] does get drug tested, and I have a pack of a hundred drug tests at my home that I’ll spring up on him any moment to make sure. Just trying to protect Cruz at all costs.
The co-parenting thing has been difficult, because it’s hard when you don’t trust somebody. But I do believe that Cruz’s dad needs to be in his life as long as he stays sober. Jax might come over and try to pick him up and take him to the park or take him to a Sky Zone or something like that. That’s kind of the majority of what Jax’s involvement is. He doesn’t help me financially, or anything really. I mean, here and there, but nothing compared to what I do.
To go back to the start of filming, what was your mindset at that time?
It was crazy, because we were kind of getting along a little bit after our separation. And then two days before we started filming, all that stuff happened. So, it was still very raw and new in how bad it was. That’s why I was like, “Nope, putting my foot down. You have to go to rehab because I’m not dealing with this for the rest of my life.” Everybody says until your kid’s 18—but no, the rest of your life you’re going to have to at least see each other here and there.
I felt strong in that moment, though, because I finally did something about it. I felt strong, I felt empowered a little bit, and I was hopeful in the beginning that the rehab would actually help him.
Do you have any regrets? Do you wish you could have done this sooner?
Oh, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to get him help for years, in different ways too. Like, “Let’s go to therapy!” or, “Let’s try to go see a doctor, see if you want to take this medication, maybe it will help.” I’ve done many, many things over the years. Being such a caretaker that I am, I’ve always tried to help him. Always. There’s not one person who actually knows me that would think otherwise.
So by the time you left you felt like, “I’ve tried everything.”
I’ve tried everything I could possibly try. I think for a long time he thought that I would never leave him, so I think it was a complete shock to him that I would. So I felt good. I felt proud of myself for doing that. I needed to, bad.
With the new season coming out, and it potentially rehashing things or the public now having an opinion—what are your feelings on that?
It will be hard, and people might not agree with every single thing that I do, but for the most part I think I’m going to have a lot of support, at least I hope, from people. I hope that other women that are in toxic relationships, maybe watching this could help them as well. Maybe something will click for other women, because it’s not easy. Maybe other people will see signs and things and be like, “Wow, this is bad for me too.” I’m hoping it could be positive in that way, and I’m hoping people will see my strength and how hard it’s been, but that I’m really trying to do the right thing.
It seems like you’ve got better boundaries and walls up now. Are you in therapy or anything to help keep that perspective?
I go back and forth about therapy. Not that I have anything against it, Jax just put such a bad taste in my mouth about it because he always would—again, he didn’t want me to vent about what I was going through to people. He wanted that perfect outlook for everybody. He kept on and on and on about how we didn’t need it. I think I need it for my healing, I’m just trying to get to that point where I’m ready to do it. It’ll be sooner than later. I think it’s just hard for me, because it’s hard for me to accept help in any kind of way. It’s something I have to work my way up to. But I will, eventually.
I can relate in that it’s hard to accept help when you have kids. People all the time are like, “You’ve got to do a yoga class, you need to take care of yourself..” But it’s like, “Okay, then who’s going to do this, this, this, this, this?” Where will I find the time? By the end of the day, I’m so exhausted that the only energy I have is to just sit.
Yeah, exactly. And I do take care of everything. My son goes to speech therapy, occupational therapy, he’s in school, he’s in all these different things. Doctor’s visits, dentist appointments… I’m not even sure if Jax would know what shoe size he’s in. I literally handle everything. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love being a mom.
Do you want to be in a relationship again?
I feel like I’m a relationship person. I don’t like being alone, really, but I’m also still healing from a lot of stuff. So it’s not like I’m trying to have a boyfriend right now, but I definitely want to date and see where it takes me. You never know what the future will hold, but I’m open to anything. I deserve somebody to be nice to me.
I know that’s sad, but I feel like I deserve somebody to be nice to me and care for me a little bit, because I’m always taking care of everybody. In my last relationship, I took care of everything all the time. I think it’d be nice to have somebody take me out and do these things. I have [dated] a little bit here and there, but I’m not in a relationship or anything. I’m definitely open to it. I feel like over a year has been plenty of time, and I’m sure my divorce will be final soon enough. We’re still in the process of turning certain things in and going back and forth a little bit, but I don’t think it’s going to be too, too much longer.
Will that bring any feeling of relief, like a chapter closing?
Yeah, I think it’ll definitely be a relief, like a weight’s lifted off my shoulders. I think it’ll be sad, too, because it was such a long chapter of my life that will be ending. I think I’ll have a lot of mixed emotions. But I’m definitely going to have a party. I’m the queen of themes, so I will be having some kind of divorce party to mark the end of everything I’ve been through.
Looking back at the past year and change, what are you most proud of?
Being able to finally put my feelings first and putting myself first over the relationship and everything. I know I keep talking about the strength I’ve gained, but I honestly have gotten so much stronger, especially through this whole separation. I’m proud of not backtracking. A lot of people were scared—and I was even scared—that he was going to be able to pull me back in again because that’s happened throughout our relationship many, many times. I’m just so proud that I was not going to let that happen this time.
And I think I’m doing a great job as a mom, too. I love being a mom, and Cruz is definitely the thing I’m most proud of overall because he’s the most important thing in my life. I feel like I’m kind of killing this mother thing.
It’s a beautiful thing that he’ll get to grow up seeing you happy and taking care of yourself. It may also teach him not to accept certain things.
That was one of the main reasons, like I had said—seeing how I was being treated in front of my son. I was like, he does not deserve this. It was more about that than myself because I had taken it for years with just putting it in the back of my mind and getting over it. But having him there, seeing it, I was like, “Nope, this is unacceptable.”
It’s kind of like a mirror, right?
Yes, and I know this is another kind of strange take on it, but filming season one of The Valley helped hold me accountable as well. That for real was like holding the mirror up to myself. It was like, how can I go back when I’ve been treated like this? I finally separated after we wrapped filming, and then we picked the cameras back up and showed that part of me moving out of the house and stuff, and that really helped hold me accountable.
Where would you like to be a year from now?
I hope I’m completely over all this. I hope I’m healed, or working on healing, and in a much better place. Maybe I’ll be in a relationship, I’m not sure. Just being with Cruzy and being a good mom and trying to keep my podcast going and my shows going and being successful and happy. I just want to be happy and be treated well. I’ll never put myself in a relationship like that again, where it’s a red flag after red flag that I ignore. I might have fun with some red flags, but I’m going to change what I’m attracted to for real.
How would you feel if Jax was getting married again, or in a serious relationship?
I can’t see that happening, honestly. I really can’t. He’s told me a million times he’s never getting married again, but I never know what’s going to happen. Would it be hard on me? Absolutely. But I would get over it. I’d be like, “That’s your problem now. I’ll see how you handle it. Because I bet you ain’t going to handle it for as long as I did.”
Are there any last things that we didn’t talk about that you think is important context for people to know?
Well, what sucks is I haven’t seen the first episode [of the new season] yet. We don’t get it until the day before it airs, so I have no idea how it’s portrayed.
As a viewer, my impression was that you seem really done.
Yeah, I’m just sick of him never holding himself accountable. I’m not ever trying to say I’m perfect. I know that I could be bratty and I could bicker with him, but I never would scream and cuss at him in front of my son and say the meanest stuff to him about his appearance and put him down and make him feel less than he was and make him completely lose his sparkle and his personality, like I did towards the end. I hate that he doesn’t hold himself accountable for any of it, because it’s hard to deal with stuff like that over and over and over and over. I was starting to believe the stuff that he was telling me about myself.
I’ve watched Vanderpump Rules since the beginning, as well as The Valley, and in the second season premiere it struck me as a much different dynamic. Like, Brittany is thinking and putting herself and her son first. We’re not on the roller coaster anymore.
That’s exactly what it was. I’m definitely not. I am hopeful for the future. Honestly, nobody wants him to be better than I do, because we have a kid together. I want that more than anything. I just have no trust in him. So, it’s going to take a lot for him to build that back up with me, for us to be friends, because I don’t even consider him a friend of mine anymore.
It’s going to take some time to regain that trust because he beat me down for a long time. I don’t mean physically, obviously, but he really did a number on me emotionally. Even now, to this day, if I am nice to him for a couple days, it’s like he thinks we’re like best friends again. I’m like, this is not it. It’s a struggle, but at the end of the day, I do, for my son, want him to be a better person. But it’s going to take a lot for me to see that.
To close, is there anything you do for yourself or things that will help bring that sparkle back for you?
Yeah, I think just getting dressed up and going out with your friends. I went on a girls’ trip for three days with my friends, and I felt like, as a mom, you do have to put yourself first sometimes and feel good about yourself. So, doing things like that.
My friends and my family have been so important. Right now, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my niece are here visiting me for spring break, and it’s amazing having my family here. We’re all going to go to Disney. Just being around my friends and stuff, because I do put myself in a hole sometimes when I’m down, where it’s hard for me to get out of the house. My anxiety is a lot worse than it ever was before. I think it’s because everything is so public right now, and it’s just a lot going on. But, of course, being with my son is the most important thing. That makes me the happiest. I just try to focus on that.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
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