In a week where most Americans are trying to figure out whether they can retire before 87—given the latest implosion of their 401(k)s—Lauren Sánchez and her sisterhood of the traveling space pants blasted off to explore the vast unknown. For 11 whole minutes.
This is not, repeat not, a giant leap for womankind. This is an intergalactic episode of Real Housewives meets The Kardashians Go to The Moon. It’s a quick “getaway” for the billionaire set as six gal pals cosplay astronauts in tight blue Star Trek at their very own CosmicCon.
The Blue Origin mission included helicopter pilot/children’s book author Sánchez, pop star Katy Perry and CBS Mornings anchor Gayle King who gets credit for going literally to the ends of the earth to stop her show’s flagging ratings. And while it’s being packaged as a historic “first all-female spaceflight,” let’s call it what it is: rich women showing off.
Jeff Bezos, who is sponsoring the flight to gain publicity for his orbital space company Blue Origin, would like us to applaud this flight as an empowering moment for women everywhere.
As if his fiancée sitting in a penis-shaped rocket for the length that it takes to use a Bioré strip will somehow solve the maternal mortality crisis in America…the pay gap..or the fact that women in science still face more scrutiny than support…and the repeal of reproductive choice.
Let’s also not pretend this is about courage. One commentator declared that the 11-minute trip will “feel much longer” for the women because of the emotion and grandeur of the experience. Please. Someone needs to remind this commentator that actual astronauts Suni Williams and Barry Wilmore—trained scientists and engineers—recently spent nine months, not minutes, floating in space after malfunctioning systems left them orbiting far longer than planned. They continued their work as they waited patiently to be rescued by a SpaceX rocket. That’s bravery.
If Sánchez wanted to rescue someone, she could have skipped space and gone to El Salvador to speak up for Kilmar Abrego García who was mistakenly deported from Maryland and ripped from his family, including a son with special needs. As a third-generation Latina, her high profile and influence could make a difference.
Perry, whose music career has been in a long, slow fade, is clearly hoping microgravity can reboot her public image. Fellow space traveler Amanda Nguyễn and her non-profit Rise was responsible for drafting the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act of 2016 which Congress passed and then-President Obama signed into law. The bill has already been targeted by MAGA-Republicans so maybe she’s looking for a new planet to live on.
Lauren Sánchez herself? Attention is oxygen to Bezos’s “alive girl.” But no number of zero-gravity selfies will make this trip meaningful.
Actress Olivia Munn, not exactly known for fiery political takes, has called the flight “gluttonous”—a word that perfectly captures the moment. These women rocketed away from Earth’s problems while the rest of us were stuck watching in disbelief, clutching our crumbling nest eggs and unable to afford real eggs.
SpaceX, owned by White House boarder Elon Musk, has arguably reinvented space exploration for actual research and innovation. Blue Origin, by contrast, is providing billion-dollar joyrides for the overly-Botoxed elite who can’t figure out how to stay relevant on Earth.
As the ship touched down, black SUVs swarmed the Texas desert as if it were a crime scene. A crime against taste and science.
Staggering down the capsule steps, Lauren cried out “Where are my babies?” Then, weeping, she told the “reporter” for Blue Origin’s own livestream—astonishingly carried by, among others, the BBC—that the 11-minute experience made her realize that we are all in this together. You know, except for the mom-and-pop shops crushed by Amazon.
“I am so proud of you,” gushed the livestream reporter. “You can now add astronaut to your resume!”
“Thank you,” replied Sánchez solemnly.
Individually, these “astronauts” are all accomplished, but this flight was tone-deaf. It screams Marie Antoinette in a space suit. Beware the mob.
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