We’ve talked a lot about the spirituality of the White Lotus Season 3 finale: the yin-yang symbolism of Rick and Chelsea’s bodies, the way Lochlan had an awakening while almost dying, and how Saxon has become enlightened enough to crack a book.
But the takeaway of the season is not that we need to embrace our God within. The lesson we should learn is we aren’t raising our boys right.
As a happily divorced woman who is also raising a boy, “the male loneliness epidemic” discourse has been part of my cultural conversation for a while now. Bros are bad at expressing feelings and having friends, we get it. However, learning through story is more impactful than another think piece about how to help men feel more special.
Through his male characters (and the women who enable them) Mike White and his White Lotus crew demonstrate all that we’re doing wrong in our culture on manhood.
It’s all there in the Ratliff family. Neither Daddy Ratliff nor his son CLEANED the blender?! Timothy (Gen X) is too into his own s–t to erase the evidence of his near-famicide. He pops the last lorazepam and goes to bed. The maid will deal with the evidence.
Oops, before Pam and crew can come in and whisk the mess away, Lochlan (Gen Z) gets it in his head that now, on the last day of vacation, is the time to start getting swole. He takes a look at the disgusting blender, which Timothy declared tainted by coconut milk gone bad, and instead of simply rinsing out the thing, he pours in the protein powder and the water. Due to his obsession with “pleasing” his brother (his words), he chugs the poison even though it tastes like death. He drinks that milkshake. He drinks it right up.
The problem here, that spans the generations of men, is that men would rather die than clean up their messes, literally and metaphorically. Instead of talking to his brother about their clear dysfunction, Lochlan tries to make Saxon happy by emulating him. Instead of telling his family about his financial problems, Timothy indulges in suicidal ideation and nearly kills his child before taking charge of the situation.
The Ratliff women, unsurprisingly, failed to achieve Buddhist enlightenment, and they are actually okay with that. Victoria, the queen of Gen X, certainly got what she wanted (besides wine). There’s no place like home and her whole family is making it back alive.
However, Victoria is the perfect example of a “boy-mom” who treats her sons like precious babies, ignoring their problematic behavior, whether it be Saxon’s gross jokes or her sons’ weird vibes after “the incident.” They were wearing each other’s shorts, V!
She doesn’t prepare them for the world—outside of promoting education. Teach your sons not to grow up to be wastrels. They can clean their own blenders! The blame doesn’t rest on Victoria’s designer vintage-clad shoulders. Timothy is lacking in the active-parenting department, and Saxon and Lochlan are both grown-a– men. But she certainly didn’t hold them accountable.
And then there’s Rick (Gen X). Dang it, Rick. We were all rooting for you! Rick took me back to my teaching days when I praised a kid for not getting in any fights that day and then he stood up and punched the kid sitting next to him. This 53-year-old man has the impulse control of an adolescent. No wonder Chelsea refers to him as her child.
Rick’s true love, “I Can Fix Him (No, Really I Can) — Chelsea’s Version,” falls into the classic millennial blunder of staying with her man even when he’s taking her down into the darkness with him. She calls him a “victim of (his) own decisions,” but they both succumb to Rick’s childish vendetta. I like to think I would have left Rick after the snake bit me, but I, too, am a blundering millennial who doesn’t know when to quit, so who am I to judge?
The enabling is on Chelsea, sure, but Rick is the one to blame for both of their deaths, as well as the death of his father (Boomer), who was so distant from his own son, emotionally and physically, that in an Oedipal twist, the son unknowingly murders his own father. Mike White didn’t steal from Star Wars, guys. Sophocles did it first.
And don’t get me started on Gaitok (Zennial?). He just had to be a manly man. He just had to get the girl.
So, yeah, the girls aren’t perfect. Chelsea needed to know what was good for her, Mook needed to be less of a bad person, and Belinda, well, Belinda seems to be okay with her illegal, immoral decisions, but I’d love to see her get her just desserts in a future season. Mike White, if nothing else, believes in karma, even if it’s a twisty, punishing road to justice.
For contrast to the men, let’s take a look at the “blonde blob,” made up of Kate, Jaclyn, and (perfect) Laurie. The Gen X trio came to The White Lotus with problems galore: gossiping, judging, Republicanism. I have no doubt they haven’t changed, though I will grant Kate my apology because she did read a book this episode, though I didn’t catch the cover so it might be Ayn Rand…or Colleen Hoover (shiver).
However, the friends talked about their feelings and, instead of a sorority house divided, they became besties again. Don’t tell me your heart wasn’t warmed by Kate giving Laurie a kiss on the head as the three drank and laughed together?
Mike White writes all characters with complexity, which means he doesn’t let his women come off as saints while the men f around and find out. However, he does hold a mirror up to the nature of our society. All generations, from Boomer to Gen Z, are full to the brim of women who make excuses for the men who are more willing to shoot someone than admit vulnerability. Except…EXCEPT! Saxon.
The final surprise, that may be the exception that proves the rule, is that the most toxic man this season went home changed for the better, book in hand, and eyes open. I know White Lotus isn’t known as a hopeful show, but if ol’ square head can mature, so can we all.
The post The Real ‘White Lotus’ Lesson: We’re Raising Men Wrong appeared first on The Daily Beast.
