Parenting is a constant balancing act. On one hand, we want to instill important life lessons in our children, like the value of money and the difference between wants and needs. On the other hand, we want to maintain harmony at home and avoid unnecessary conflicts. The balancing act can be tricky, especially when parenting teens.Recently, my 13-year-old daughter asked me to buy her a $28 phone case. Her old one wasn’t broken or worn out, she was just bored of it. For me, it was a firm no.
It sounds simple, but saying “no” in moments like this isn’t easy. The request felt small in the grand scheme of things, but I knew there was a bigger lesson to teach. But that simple answer opened the door to a much bigger conversation about money, priorities, and how we can navigate these moments without straining our relationship.
Critical thinking is a learned skill
Turning down our kids isn’t always easy, especially when the request seems small in terms of money. A $28 phone case might not break the bank, but it’s not just about the money. It’s about teaching our children to think critically about their spending, to understand the difference between wants and needs, and to appreciate what they already have. At the same time, we don’t want to come across as overly strict or dismissive of their feelings.
In this case, I realized my daughter’s request wasn’t just about the phone case, it was about her desire for something new, trendy, and exciting. It felt important to her, even if it seemed unnecessary to me. After all, to a 13-year-old, a new phone case might feel like a big deal, a way to express themselves or fit in with their peers. So how do we find the middle ground?
Instead of shutting down the conversation, I used it as an opportunity to talk about wants versus needs. I explained that we must prioritize what’s essential, like school supplies, proper clothing, or saving for meaningful experiences, over impulse purchases. But I didn’t stop there.
I also acknowledged her feelings.
“I get it,” I told her. “Sometimes we just want something new because it feels exciting. I feel that way too.” This small moment of empathy softened the conversation and made her more willing to listen.
Instead of a flat-out “no,” I suggested a compromise, which I offered to her in three parts:
This approach worked wonders. She felt respected, and I felt like I was still guiding her in the right direction without giving in impulsively.
The lesson didn’t end there
That conversation wasn’t just about a phone case, it was about equipping my child with the tools to make better financial decisions in the future. To continue this journey, I now prioritize transparency by openly discussing family finances in age-appropriate ways, helping my kids understand that money isn’t unlimited.
For example, when we go grocery shopping, I show them how to compare prices and explain why we choose certain products over others. I also involve them in financial decisions, whether it’s planning a vacation or making a major purchase, by encouraging them to research options, compare costs, and brainstorm ways to save money, like waiting for a sale to buy their favorite pair of jeans or looking for deals.
I also promote the habit of saving by giving them a dedicated savings jar for things they want. This approach has taught them patience, responsibility, and the satisfaction of making thoughtful financial choices.
We are focusing on empathy and compromise
Parenting is a constant balancing act, teaching values while keeping peace at home isn’t always easy. Not purchasing that $28 phone case wasn’t just about saving money; it was about guiding my daughter toward better decision-making without damaging our relationship.
By showing empathy, encouraging compromise, and turning small moments into learning experiences, I’m helping her develop a healthy understanding of money, and maybe avoid a few stressful “no” moments in the future.
Because sometimes, the most valuable lessons aren’t about the money at all, they’re about connection, respect, and learning to navigate life’s choices together.
The post My teen asked for a $28 phone case that she didn’t need. I used that as an opportunity to teach her about wants versus needs. appeared first on Business Insider.
