“Catching feelings” can be a scary experience in today’s dating scene.
Day in and day out, we hear horror stories of avoidant partners, cheating spouses, one-sided situationships, and manipulative individuals lying their way through relationship after relationship. Not to mention, developing a romantic attachment to someone makes you more vulnerable than you might be comfortable with.
All that being said, liking someone can often be a beautiful and exciting step toward a fulfilling relationship—but only if you’re willing to confess your feelings. However, new data shows that 57 percent of Gen Z daters have opted to hide their feelings toward another person in fear of being “cringe” or a “turn off.”
Unfortunately, you’ll never know until you try, and if your goal is to get into a relationship, you’ll have to acknowledge and accept these risks.
Did Your Fling Accidentally Get Real? Here’s How to Deal With Unexpected Emotions.
According to Leah Levi, relationship expert at explorationship app Flure, there are many ways to process and navigate your romantic emotions, whether they’re fleeting or more serious.
“Here’s the thing: it’s okay to catch a crush on someone and not act on it because not every emotional rush means deep feelings,” Levi said. “However, sometimes, it’s just the excitement of something casual turning slightly more intense. Take a step back and think, what do you enjoy: is it the person you are spending the time with, or just the dynamic?”
Unfortunately, sometimes, we’re more attracted to the attention we’re receiving than the actual person we’re receiving it from.
“Imagine them as a long-term partner, outside of the fun, spontaneous moments,” Levi recommended. “If the idea of a real relationship with them doesn’t excite you, your feelings might be situational rather than a genuine attachment.”
Additionally, determine whether the other person is as great as your brain is making them out to be. For example, there’s this psychological concept called the proximity principle, which basically means that people who are closer to their physical environment are more likely to develop relationships than those who are further away.
This makes sense, of course. If you’re spending more time with someone regularly, you’re likely to build a deeper connection with them versus someone who is, say, hundreds of miles away. But is their proximity all there is to your connection? For instance, do you just have a crush on your colleague because you see them every day at work, or is there actual substance to your relationship?
“Are they making an effort beyond when it’s convenient for them? Do they initiate plans and show real interest in your life?” Levi asked. “Or maybe they keep things light and breezy with no signs of wanting commitment? If you’re developing feelings while they’re keeping things in ‘no-strings’ territory, it’s worth considering the imbalance before you get hurt.”
Confessing you’re Catching feelings
If you do, however, feel a genuine emotional and romantic attraction to the person, don’t let fear get in your way. Communicating your feelings will never scare away the right person, but the way you do it can impact how it’s received.
“Bringing up emotions doesn’t mean delivering an all-or-nothing speech,” Levi said. “Instead of ‘We need to talk,’ ease into it with ‘I statements’ like: ‘I’ve noticed my feelings shifting—how do you see this? A good response is open and engaged, even if they’re uncertain.”
Of course, Levi added, be willing to walk away if your feelings aren’t mutual—and prepare yourself for this outcome.
“Unrequited feelings aren’t a reason to stick around hoping they’ll change,” she said. “If they’re not ready to meet you where you are, lingering will only lead to contempt and resentment, which will end things anyway.”
“The right person won’t leave you wondering, and more importantly,” she added, they won’t use you knowing you aren’t compatible.”
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