Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Downward Spiral
The stock market had its worst day in five years on Thursday, the first day of trading on Wall Street since President Trump announced his new tariffs.
“So, worst day for our economy since Covid,” Stephen Colbert said. “Just a little reminder: This time, he’s the disease.”
“Has anyone — and I’m just spitballin’ here — has anyone thought about injecting our money with bleach?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Everyone’s wondering how Trump decided on a tariff rate for each country. Well, it turns out a very precise mathematical formula was created. And then Trump just said, ‘Forget that — we’re doing it Plinko style.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yep, Trump’s tariffs went all the way from 54 percent to 10 percent, and today, so did his approval rating.” — JIMMY FALLON
“But, you know what, I’m not too concerned about Donald Trump not understanding how his tariffs work, because he’s Donald Trump — he doesn’t understand how to make money running a casino.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Now, one bit of good news comin’ out of all this: It’s all pretty solid proof there is no deep state, ’cause if there was, they would’ve stopped this [expletive], OK? But if they do exist, I just want to say to the cabal of financial and governmental elites who pull all the strings behind the scenes, maybe put a pause on your 5G-chip JFK Jr. adrenochrome chemtrail orgy and jump in here, ’cause we’re [expletive] dying.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Mr. Worldwide Edition)
“Yesterday, Donald Trump announced sweeping tariffs across the entire globe: Asia, South America, Narnia, Arendelle, Wakanda, Bachelor Nation.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“President Trump yesterday announced a base line tariff affecting more than 180 countries, including a group of uninhabited islands near Antarctica. So, let that be a warning to you, great Pacific garbage patch.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yeah, we put a 10 percent tariff on an island that only has penguins? Trump would have been better off tariffing that island Tom Hanks got stranded on. At least it had one guy and that li’l volleyball he was [expletive].” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Is this a mistake? Look, I know old people butt-dial strangers all the time, but this is the first time I’ve heard of someone butt-tariffing an entire country.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Yep, Trump put tariffs on almost every single country, and as you would expect, the world is pretty mad at us. Right now, Epcot is down to two countries.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Thursday’s “Tonight Show” musical guest Perfume Genius performed “It’s a Mirror” from his new album “Glory.”
Also, Check This Out
Bruce Springsteen announced a new boxed set featuring 83 songs, including 74 that have never been released.
The post Stephen Colbert Likens Trump’s Tariffs to an Economic Infection appeared first on New York Times.
