Liz Lindenmeier and Xavier Barreto designed a specific vibe for their wedding in Tulum, Mexico, last March: “a big jungle rave party with all of our friends and family,” as she described it.
And Mrs. Lindenmeier, the founder of Lit&Lean, a nightlife-inspired workout, had a strategy for avoiding music that wasn’t on theme. She and Mr. Barreto, who are both 31 and live in Queens, submitted a list of about 300 song requests to their D.J. That way, she figured, there wasn’t “a chance that they’re going to go play this random artist and song.” (Electronic dance music, 2010 hits and “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift were successfully played, she added.)
Other couples curate their guests’ musical experience by creating “do not play” lists of songs that conflict with their themes, tastes or values.
Rebecca Keren Jablonski, a 39-year-old rabbi in Manhattan, made a list of about 90 tracks for the D.J. ahead of her wedding, to Benjamin Jablonski, last March. She also made a list of who to avoid: namely Kanye West, a self-proclaimed Nazi.
“If a song is controversial or offensive to any community member, that should really be thought about,” she said, adding that couples create “a whole world on their wedding day for themselves and their guests.”
Don Woodbury, a wedding D.J. based in Salt Lake City, said he asks clients to list five to 10 songs, or an entire genre, that they would like him to avoid. “I like to know what might offend somebody, or not hit well with that particular client,” he said. (But, he added, he has his limits: “I’ve gotten lists of 30, 40, 50 songs on a ‘do not play’ list, and at that point it’s overly prescriptive.”)
Music with explicit lyrics or dissonant sounds, like punk, rap or screamo (a subgenre of emo music with screechy vocals), is often a no-go, said Mr. Woodbury, who’s done over 2,000 wedding gigs, mostly in Utah, Nevada, Idaho and Colorado.
When Adam Turem-Samaniego, 48, and John Turem-Samaniego, 43, married in St. Petersburg, Fla., in February, they asked their D.J. to avoid heavy metal and rap. “We wanted to keep it light and upbeat,” said Adam, a home renovations and design professional.
Although John, a competitive gymnastics coach, listens to both genres, he agreed to forgo them for the wedding. As Adam put it: “My mom’s a senior citizen.”
Mick Batyske, a Brooklyn-based D.J. who has performed at weddings in New York, Los Angeles and Miami, said sometimes a song just isn’t a fit, whether it’s tied to a bad memory, an ex or nothing at all. “People don’t like things for the weirdest reasons,” he said.
When Maria Del Russo and Ben Tuber, who live in Brooklyn, married in Jersey City, N.J., last June, they banned Justin Timberlake’s discography.
“I have had a problem with Justin Timberlake since he ripped Janet Jackson’s bra off at the Super Bowl,” said Ms. Del Russo, a 35-year-old writer. “I also had recently watched that Britney Spears documentary,” she said, referring to “Framing Britney Spears,” which depicted the singer’s complicated relationship with Mr. Timberlake. Ms. Del Russo concluded, “If I have a personal issue with who you are, I don’t want you playing at my wedding.”
The couple also had “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond, a song beloved by Boston Red Sox fans, on their “do not play” list. (“We are Yankees people,” Ms. Del Russo said.) And “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. (“Anything that tapped into that idea of ‘let’s single out the single women at the wedding’ was not something I wanted to do because I really hated those moments at weddings,” she said. “I was the last person to get married in my family.”)
One genre that is particularly polarizing, according to D.J.s: line dances.
“That tends to be a dividing line for a lot of clients,” Mr. Woodbury said. “If my group wants to do the Cha-Cha Slide, great. The Wobble, fantastic.”
Others, he said, were adamantly against them.
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