If you’ve ever gone through a breakup, you likely know how difficult it is to move on from a relationship emotionally. Sure, some people quickly jump to the next person or relationship, seemingly unaffected by the relationship ending. But even so, that doesn’t necessarily mean the person isn’t still working through their attachment to their ex.
A new study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science explored the average time it takes someone to move on from an ex, and the results were actually quite shocking.
This Is How Long It Takes to Get Over Your Ex, According to Science
The researchers/study authors Jia Y. Chong and R. Chris Fraley worked with 328 volunteers with an average age in the early 30s to complete the study.
The volunteers had been dating their ex-partners for an average of around 4.6 years. Additionally, on average, the breakups occurred about 5 years before the study.
To understand the volunteers’ existing connections to their ex-partners, Chong and Fraley asked them questions related to their emotional attachment and bonding. For example, they explored whether the individual would still enjoy spending time with an ex or whether they still felt a sense of security from them. They then asked similar questions about a stranger to determine how much more emotional bonding there was between a person and their ex vs. a total stranger.
“Results indicate that, for the average person, attachment bonds are gradually (4.18 years as a mid-point) relinquished after relationship termination,” the study states. “People’s former partners simply become someone they used to know.”
In other words…it takes about four years, on average, to get over an ex. What’s more? Some people never fully do.
Now, before you panic and tell yourself you’ll always be heartbroken while your ex gets to move on and live a happy life without you, understand that this doesn’t mean you’ll be spending over four years actively grieving your ex. Rather, it’s normal to still feel a minor attachment to them for some time—at least more so than you would with a complete stranger.
“Results also indicate that the persistence of these bonds is moderated by several factors, including attachment orientations and continued contact with exes,” the study authors continued. “Thus, even if the typical person does eventually ‘get over’ their former partner, for some people, remnants of those bonds continue and never fully fade away.”
This makes sense, considering that many people choose to stay in contact with an ex or transition a romantic relationship into a friendship. It all depends on the dynamic you once had and currently have with your ex. Some connections, though different after a breakup, can remain beautiful and fulfilling.
But if you’re asking yourself, “Why can’t I just get over this person?”, well, you’re not alone. Attachments are hard to break.
The post Here’s How Long It Takes to Truly Get Over Your Ex appeared first on VICE.
