Without realizing it, I’ve been engaging in narrative therapy my entire life. Reflecting on it, I realize my brain automatically knew how to cope with the emotional pain and confusion it was enduring: through storytelling.
As a writer, I naturally turn most moments into stories. I’ve always viewed my life as an ongoing memoir, hoping one day, I’ll even write and publish a book about it. By categorizing years into chapters, loved ones into characters, and traumas or heartbreaks into plotlines, I more easily and objectively moved forward through difficult times.
I’ve always said that writing about my problems helps me view myself from a more forgiving perspective. When we read fiction novels, we can often identify with certain parts of the main character or narrator and see their actions through the lens of empathy.
How ‘Narrative Therapy’ Can Help Reframe Your Negative Self-Talk and Rewrite Your Life Story
This concept is similar to that of narrative therapy, which—according to Psychology Today—“is a form of counseling that views people as separate from their problems and destructive behaviors.” In other words, we humanize ourselves and don’t just write ourselves off as “good” or “bad.”
Additionally, narrative therapy can help us view our issues from a third-person perspective.
“This allows clients to get some distance from the difficulty they face; this helps them to see how it might actually be helping or protecting them, more than it is hurting them,” the outlet continued. “With this perspective, individuals feel more empowered to make changes in their thought patterns and behavior and ‘rewrite’ their life story for a future that reflects who they really are, what they are capable of, and what their purpose is, separate from their problems.”
Coined by Michael White and David Epston in the 1980s, narrative therapy helps people view themselves and their mistakes as separate entities. For example, if you snapped at your partner when you were in a bad mood, your immediate self-talk might be: “I’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve love from this person,” all because your humanity took over for a moment.
But through the narrative therapy approach, “The individual is respectful of the self and does not point blame or judgment inward,” Psychology Today stated. “A good narrative helps a person to process and clarify what they experience.”
Of course, this doesn’t excuse or justify negative behavior but rather leads to better coping skills that can actually address the core issues driving your reactivity. You can then externalize these issues or deconstruct them into smaller, more manageable problems.
Best of all, narrative therapy is a great way to reframe the stories we often tell ourselves. For example, false narratives like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve love,” “I’m always left behind,” and “No one cares about me,” etc. can attract and even manifest negative outcomes.
“The stories we tell ourselves can become self-fulfilling prophecies,” therapist Jordan Madison, LCMFT, told Well+Good. “Reframing and noticing patterns are huge tools in boosting your mental health. When you realize patterns you’re participating in, and that you have the power to change them, it helps you to feel less stuck and work on small habits and changes in thoughts and behaviors to do things differently.”
Remember: You can rewrite your story. It’s never too late to turn the page, start a new chapter, and embark on that character development.
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