“Can we please just go?” my boyfriend of four years pleaded with me. I had arrived home exhausted, asking if it was OK to cancel our plans that December evening.
It should have registered that it was odd behavior for him to be urging me to go ice skating. But I was clueless and depleted from a long workday — one of my last before the Christmas break. Even though I’d written this date down excitedly on the calendar a week prior, and despite the fact that the rink was inside our private building complex and just steps away, I can still recall the resounding desire I felt to stay home that night as I was walking home almost a decade ago.
“Let’s just go tomorrow or another time,” I said. My reply was met with a huff, which caused us to momentarily bicker. “You shouldn’t cancel things last minute, it’s not nice,” he muttered under his breath. “What is wrong with this man?” I thought to myself.
It turned out, there was a reason he wanted to go ice skating
Thirty minutes later, I was in sweatpants, watching a random episode of “Seinfeld” on TBS. I basked in the simple joy that comes with crashing on your couch after a long day. It felt good to be home. Then, my partner suddenly made a stealthy movement from the couch to the floor.
Before I could comprehend what was happening, he sat before me with a diamond ring in his hand.
“Will you be my wife?” he nervously asked to my genuine surprise. Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza continued talking in the background as we embraced and got engaged. It was the episode when the guys pitched their show about nothing to NBC.
Private proposals are on the rise
A survey from 2021 found that women were increasingly disinterested in grand or public gestures when it came to being asked that big question. Instead, 66% of the 300 respondents preferred a private proposal. Yet, The Knot’s recent report on engagement trends from 2024 showed that only 14% of couples had a low-key, at-home proposal. Though many couples do want a private place, home isn’t usually the popular choice.
I was delighted when I heard about Tom Holland’s laid-back proposal to longtime girlfriend Zendaya at home over Christmas. The news comforted me and brought some validation that a casual proposal could be special and romantic — even for celebrities.
Our engagement represented us as a couple
I loved my own engagement, even though I accidentally sabotaged a more elaborate idea. Though not planned, having it happen in our living room was more symbolic of our relationship than any forced, clichéd ice rink setting. I had finally found someone who ignited that feeling everyone wants to have about someone — he felt like home. Proposing inside our own home was only natural.
But it’s more than that. I believe there’s an intimacy in choosing this kind of engagement. It reflects the foundation two people need to make a lifelong relationship work.
As we celebrate our anniversary — our eighth year married, our first as new parents — I look back on everything we’ve done together. The adventures, but more importantly, the moments in between the minutiae of daily life. That’s where the purest joy can be found.
Of course, we did replace that first couch. The navy fabric one my once boyfriend brought when he moved into my apartment. The one we sat on to make out and watch movies. The one we were on that cozy night in 2015, watching “Seinfeld,” when my perfectly imperfect engagement occurred.
It was small, past its prime, and overstayed its welcome the way any piece that brings comfort does. When we grew up and got married, we finally outgrew the loveseat. In its place, a more grown-up, brown leather L-shaped couch now sits. One large enough for sleeping dogs, playful babies, and lazy days doing absolutely nothing.
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