It’s only a matter of time before a life-long people pleaser wakes and cries, “Enough is enough!” Instead of going with the flow to be as nice as possible, there’s often a tipping point when you officially realize it’s OK to be bolder, more assertive — and entirely unapologetic.
For many people on TikTok, this has come in the form of vowing to be “meaner” in 2025 not just as a New Year’s resolution, but as a new way of life. On Dec. 31, creator @shxdowangelx posted a video that said, “No, because I’m being meaner next year and learning to say no and not be a people pleaser.” In her comments, one person said, “I need to learn this” while another wrote, “Literally me.”
In another video shared Jan. 14, creator @misspaigelee_ said, “I am so sick of trying to be nice to people that don’t deserve it. This is not me saying that you shouldn’t be kind, caring, considerate, thoughtful. I’m just saying that you need to be meaner to people that deserve it … That is you demanding respect and standing on it.” In her comments, someone said, “Meanness with intention. Love that for 2025.”
Keep reading below for more info, including ways to be meaner this year — and a therapist’s take on the trend.
It’s About Standing Up For Yourself
Vowing to be meaner feels empowering because it’s a promise to yourself that you won’t stand for negativity, poor treatment, or uncomfortable situations. If you’re starting to realize that your go-to “be kind no matter what” mentality has turned you into a people-pleaser, then you might feel inspired by this trend.
Vanessa Scaringi, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with CALM Counseling, says it’s a great frame of mind to take into the new year and beyond. “I love that women are vowing to be ‘more mean’ in 2025,” she tells Bustle. “I think it’s a funny yet empowering stance to take.”
On TikTok, creator @l1zakenkadze showed herself and a friend stretching and warming up on Jan. 1 for a year of being mean while creator @longestyeaboiever said she’s going into 2025 on her absolute worst behavior.
“Women are reclaiming their voice.”
From a therapist’s POV, the true spirit of the trend isn’t to be purposefully nasty or rude but to adopt a calmer, present, and more assertive persona. “There is a tinge of sadness when I hear that ‘being mean’ is equated with caring for one’s self,” Scaringi says, and that’s why it’s important to clarify that it’s OK to stand up for your needs, share what you think, say no, etc. These actions aren’t necessarily “mean” but instead are powerful.
“When you’re being assertive, you’re communicating your needs, feelings, and boundaries clearly and respectfully,” says Roma Williams, LMFT, a relationship expert, author, and owner of Unload It Therapy. “That’s not the same as being mean, which is usually aggressive or intentionally hurtful. What I think is happening here is women are reclaiming their voice and pushing back against the expectation to always be accommodating or agreeable.”
The Benefits Of Being “Meaner”
Instead of shrinking, apologizing, or making yourself small, “being meaner” is about taking up more space and being unapologetic — an attitude that’ll help build your confidence and self-respect over time.
“When you start speaking up for yourself and setting boundaries, you’re telling yourself, ‘I matter. My needs matter,’” says Williams. “That shift can feel so empowering, especially if you’ve spent years putting others first or avoiding conflict.”
It’s also a way to set boundaries and communicate your needs. “It’s like teaching others how to value your time, energy, and emotions,” she adds. “Of course, not everyone will like it at first —especially if they benefited from your people-pleasing tendencies — but over time, being assertive actually leads to healthier, more balanced relationships.”
Being “meaner” can also lower your stress levels and send that boiling inner resentment packing. “You’re no longer overextending yourself or agreeing to things that drain you, which leaves more room for the things that truly matter,” Williams says. “So, while it might feel uncomfortable at first, being ‘meaner’ isn’t really about being mean — it’s about living authentically and building the relationships you deserve.”
How To Be “Meaner” In 2025
While it’s exciting to say you want to be meaner, actually adopting this new attitude can take some time. “Stepping into assertiveness doesn’t happen overnight,” says Williams. “It takes time, self-reflection, and practice to learn how to express yourself in a way that feels authentic.” If you’re loving this energy for 2025 and want to make it your own, here’s how to get started.
Say No
Can’t afford that pricy girl’s trip? Say no. Don’t feel like going out on a Friday night? Say no. And then don’t feel guilty about it or spend your night in a fit of FOMO. According to Williams, “no” is a complete sentence.
Take Up Space
Get bigger and learn how to own your space. “Getting big is something I talk about with clients frequently,” says Scaringi. One way to start is to stop apologizing. You can also slow down and think about how you feel in a situation as a way to tap into what you want or need. “Start there and ask for it.”
Stop Saying “lol”
You can also practice this skill in little, everyday ways. When you write your work emails, for instance, don’t say, “I just wanted to check in, lol” but instead say, “I’m following up on this.”
According to Williams, dropping phrases like “just” or “I think” or “haha” help you sound clearer and more confident. Share your thoughts, requests, and opinions loudly and proudly without including a phrase to soften it.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries might mean getting up and leaving in the middle of a bad date, firmly telling your family that you can’t visit for a holiday, or telling a friend when you can’t commit to something.
Redefine Politeness
According to Williams, being polite doesn’t mean you need to become self-sacrificing. “You’re not obligated to smile at strangers to make them feel comfortable or agree to things that drain your energy,” she says. “Choosing when and how to engage authentically is a form of self-respect, and it also sends a clear message to others about how you want to be treated.”
Sources:
Vanessa Scaringi, Ph.D., licensed psychologist with CALM Counseling
Roma Williams, LMFT, relationship expert, owner of Unload It Therapy
The post TikTokers Want You To Stop People Pleasing In 2025 appeared first on Bustle.
