Deir el-Balah, Gaza and Beirut, Lebanon – In the Gaza Strip, many Palestinians are celebrating, hoping that the a devastating 15-month war is finally over.
Israel and Hamas have agreed to a ceasefire proposal, according to Qatar and the United States, which would involve a captive and prisoner swap, and the return of Palestinians to their homes across Gaza. Israel says a few issues remain, while Hamas has announced its acceptance.
In Gaza, the joy for Palestinians comes tempered with grief, having lived through the death of so many of their loved ones, in an Israeli war that rights groups and United Nations experts have described as a “genocide”.
Several Palestinians told Al Jazeera they plan to return to their towns and villages the moment they get the opportunity to, having been displaced by Israeli attacks and so-called “evacuation orders”.
“As soon as there is a ceasefire, I will return and kiss my land in Beit Hanoon in north Gaza,” said Umm Mohamed, a 66-year-old woman who lost two of her 10 children when an Israeli bomb fell on her home in December 2023.
“What I realised in this war is that your home, your homeland and your children are all you have,” she told Al Jazeera.
Israel’s war on Gaza has killed more than 46,500 Palestinians and wounded more than 100,000. It began after a Hamas-led attack on southern Israel on October 7, 2023, in which 1,139 people were killed and about 250 were taken captive.
During Israel’s offensive on Gaza, it systematically bombed schools, hospitals and displacement camps, destroying nearly all basic services and structures that sustain life, according to UN experts and rights groups.
In September 2024, the United Nations Satellite Center found that 66 percent of all structures in the Gaza Strip were damaged or destroyed by Israeli attacks.
Israel also tightened its existing siege on Gaza at the start of the war, causing mass starvation and a breakdown in public order.
Now that an end to the misery appears to be tantalisingly close, Palestinians are struggling to process everything – and everyone – they lost in the war.
“I have mixed feelings … but I pray to God that we can return to our normal lives without feeling insecure,” said Mohamed Abu Rai, a 47-year-old medic, from his office in Deir el-Balah.
Memory and grief
Palestinians reflected on loved ones they lost to Israeli attacks before the now-expected ceasefire.
Lubna Rayyes, who was the principal of the International American elementary school in Gaza City, said she lost one of her colleagues, Bilal Abu Saaman, who was rescuing people from the rubble when he was bombed.
Rayyes said she frequently calls Abu Saaman’s widow and asks about his young children.
“He was a great and very kind teacher. When he died, it really affected me and it still hurts until now,” Rayyes told Al Jazeera via phone from Cairo, Egypt, where she has been living with her husband and three children since last year.
“Bilal was really one of the best people in the world,” she added.
Rayyes also spoke about her family home, which was burned to ashes by Israeli soldiers who lit it on fire.
“There is nothing left from the house,” she said, sighing. “There are no more family photos, or any sort of memories [we retrieved]. It’s all gone.”
Abu Rai also lost his house, but like Rayyes, he said the memory of deceased colleagues and friends brings him the most grief.
He believes the real number of casualties far surpasses the official toll and he still cannot quite understand how he survived during the last 15 months.
“Staying alive in Gaza was always just a matter of luck,” he said.
Stay or go?
While many Palestinians are looking forward to returning and rebuilding their communities, others can’t imagine staying in the besieged enclave any longer.
Mahmoud Saada, 52, said he doesn’t believe there will be a lasting solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict despite the anticipated ceasefire.
He says he will take his young children and leave Gaza as soon as the crossing to Egypt opens.
“I swear to God I won’t return to Gaza. I’m so tired and fed up,” he said from Deir el-Balah, where he sleeps with his family inside a small crowded tent.
“I want to leave Gaza and just go anywhere else,” he told Al Jazeera.
Abu Rai also said that he can’t imagine staying in Gaza now that everything is completely destroyed.
He believes most survivors are deeply traumatised and simply can’t fathom rebuilding their communities and lives again, especially since Gaza has already struggled to recover from numerous previous wars with Israel.
At the moment, he suspects many people are trying to find a way out, at least for the time being.
“There has been so much destruction and we are starting from zero, again. Always rebuilding our communities steals so much time from our lives. Each day we lose, we don’t get back,” he told Al Jazeera.
Abu Rai, Rayyes and Umm Mohamed all agree, however, that Palestinians will miss Gaza if they leave, making the move hard for many.
In the end, they believe most people will stay or return to Gaza, if they can.
“We need to go back eventually, you know?” Rayyes told Al Jazeera.
“There really is no place like home.”
The post ‘Staying alive was luck’: Joy and despair as Gaza ceasefire nears appeared first on Al Jazeera.
