I’ve noticed that people on dating apps tend to fall into two categories: “messagers” and “meeters.”
The first kind wants to message for a while to make sure there’s enough common ground to meet up in person. The second type is like me, people who want to meet face-to-face as soon as possible. For me, that’s the only way to tell if there’s a connection worth investing time in.
After a two-year break from dating apps, the one thing I was sure of when I downloaded Hinge in 2024 was that I wanted to spend as little time chatting on the app as possible. My previous experiences with lengthy text conversations that dragged on for weeks, only to fizzle out or lead to disappointing dates, had left me thoroughly burned out on online dating.
In the past, I only brought up the idea of meeting in person when it felt natural.But even that was often a waste of time, as a lot of men never seemed interested in an actual date. Maybe they were married, or maybe they used dating apps as an ego boost or for entertainment on their phones.
I run my own company and work from home, which offers few opportunities to meet people organically, so I view online dating as a shortcut to real-life dating, not a replacement for it.
To cut to the chase sooner, I’ve started using one of Hinge’s prompts — the poll option — and it’s proving efficient at getting me the matches I want.
The poll is simple but effective at getting to an IRL date
The poll reads: Do you want to meet…
a) Today?
b) Tomorrow?
c) Swap “How are you?” messages for weeks on end?
If someone votes for either of the first two options, I always make it a match and reply. Best of all, I can get straight to the point and make arrangements for how to meet instead of wasting time in chit-chat.
Dating coaches and matchmakers told Business Insider that it’s important to ask pre-date questions to ensure safety and compatibility before agreeing to meet in person. Suggestions included asking for their last name and looking it up on LinkedIn to confirm their age and occupation, as well as hopping on a phone call before the first date. I only ever meet in busy public places to keep myself safe.
As I’ve found that a lot of guys I’ve spoken to don’t really read profiles, a poll works because it spotlights the fact that I prefer to meet than chat.
It’s not perfect — I don’t think any method on a dating app ever could be. But, so far, I’ve ended up meeting over half the guys who took the initiative to vote, successfully avoiding endless messaging.
It’s true that some people vote and never reply. But one of the best things about this approach is that I’ve invested nothing. I barely notice if they disappear before we meet.
My method helps repel the wrong guys
It might seem like my poll signals that I’m only looking for hookups, but so far, that’s not been my experience.
A possible downside is that I live in a major tourist destination, so I often get men who are just passing through on vacation. But that doesn’t bother me.
It reminds me of the years I spent traveling and how life-enriching it can be to meet someone you hit it off with instantly, even if your paths only cross for a few hours. In fact, one hiking date led to drinks that same evening. It went so well that I’m now planning to visit him on the third date.
To my surprise, some men choose the third option of sending endless text messages. At first, I thought it was their way of jokily showing they got my point and were on board. But no. Nine times out of 10, those guys weren’t proactive about meeting, so now I skip them completely.
An unintended benefit of the poll is it makes me much less of a target for scammers and married men. After all, both always have excuses for why they can’t meet in real life.
So far, I’ve been going on dates with spontaneous action-takers who prefer to do something rather than just talk about doing it. Crucially, they actually have time in their lives for dating and prioritise it. All of these qualities are what I’m looking for, and mercifully, they mean I spend a maximum of 15 minutes a week on the app.
Got a personal essay about dating that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: [email protected].
The post I’m giving dating apps another try. This time around, it’s all about my ‘3-option poll.’ appeared first on Business Insider.
