Instead of just texting or calling your friends, family, or partner, you get to see their beautiful, shining faces on your screen with FaceTime. You can maintain eye contact and see their facial expressions in real-time as you chat. That is, of course, if you actually bother to look at them.
If you find yourself peeking at your own face on a video call, you’re not alone. On TikTok, thousands of people have admitted that they barely even hear what the other person is saying because they’re often too busy looking at themselves — and it’s honestly so relatable.
Creator @xburcy joked that she sometimes stares deep into her own eyes on FaceTime calls while @skysayingthings admitted to getting caught looking at herself more than once. According to Riley Brown, a mental health counselor with a private practice in British Columbia, Canada, this habit is more common than you might think.
While it’s only natural to glance at yourself every now and again on a call — especially if you’re having an extra good hair day — there’s a lot of psychology behind why it can sometimes be tough to look away. Keep reading below for more info, because the answer goes way deeper than you might think.
Here’s Why You Stare At Yourself
While both women and men stare at themselves on video calls, Brown says many women are more likely to experience a phenomenon called “self-view,” which is essentially a heightened awareness of how they look or come across in conversation. It was even published as a study back when Zoom was at its height in 2020 — and it’s one reason why you might stare at yourself the entire length of the call.
If you can’t stop looking at yourself, the study suggests you might be checking to see what you look like from the other person’s perspective. Do you appear attentive? Are you framed well in the shot? It’s almost like a form of empathy. “It is not necessarily harmful, but it is fatiguing,” says Brown, and that’s because it takes an extra level of focus and attention to keep checking in on yourself — on top of also maintaining a conversation. It’s why you might feel more tired after a video chat than a regular call.
Anxiety also plays a part. “Self-focused attention increases anxiety in those who are already socially anxious,” she tells Bustle. If you feel nervous on the call then it increases the likelihood that you’ll feel less confident or insecure about being perceived. “When we are socially anxious, we are afraid of people judging us, so we check how we look during FaceTime constantly to confirm if we look OK so as to ‘protect’ ourselves from judgment,” says Brown.
You might check your angles, look to make sure the camera isn’t pointing up your nose, or stare as a way to assure yourself you aren’t acting awkward or weird. “This [habit] reduces our anxiety for a little bit — until we have the thought that we might look weird, and so we must check again,” says Brown. “Then the cycle continues.”
The reason for the call can also play a role in how often you look. If you’re just talking to your best friend you might not peek at all because you feel comfortable and relaxed — and because you know your friend has seen much worse. But if you’re talking to a new partner, a coworker, or someone interviewing you for a job then Brown says you might lock eyes with yourself and not look away.
According to Dr. Mary Poffenroth, author and neuro-hacking biopsychologist, it can also be intriguing to look at yourself simply because you don’t get to see your own image in action very often. During video calls, she says certain parts of your brain light up as you process real-time feedback on your own image, and that’s another reason why you might start to “self-monitor” how you look and act.
“Looking at yourself isn’t inherently harmful; it can serve as a tool for self-awareness,” she tells Bustle. “Too much fixation, on the other hand, may make anxiety or insecurity worse. It’s important to find a balance between observing yourself and interacting with other people.”
How To Look Away
If you self stare a lot on video calls, never fear. According to Poffenroth, it isn’t necessarily obvious to the other person when you’re looking at them versus looking at yourself. That said, if you’d like to pay better attention on video calls or have a more engaging conversation, there are things you can do to break eye contact with yourself.
For starters, Brown recommends using the front-facing camera. That way the screen won’t be right there in front of your face, tempting you to look. It might also help to put a Post-It note over your face. This tip is especially helpful on a computer or laptop when your screen is bigger.
To break out of an anxiety loop, Brown suggests taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that the other person probably isn’t judging you. In fact, they want to like you. (And they might also be staring at themselves, too!) It might also help to look at other things on the screen, Poffenroth says, Try to notice three things in the background as a way to divert your attention away from your own face.
It’s not a big deal to admire your own visage on FaceTime, but since it can fuel anxiety and fatigue, it’s helpful to have a few tips in your back pocket that’ll help to break the habit.
Sources:
Riley Brown, mental health counselor
Dr. Mary Poffenroth, author, neuro-hacking biopsychologist
The post Here’s Why You Stare At Yourself On FaceTime appeared first on Bustle.
