When Tawana Musvaburi found out she was pregnant just four weeks before her due date, her world was turned upside down.
“I did not know I was pregnant,” the 23-year-old told viewers on TikTok (@tawanatr) in a video that was posted late last month. “I had no symptoms, I didn’t look pregnant…so there was no morning sickness. I didn’t really have a pregnancy bump.”
Her pregnancy, which occurred while she was on contraception, was entirely unplanned. “I was very disappointed because I felt like I took all the steps necessary for me not to get pregnant and I still ended up getting pregnant,” Musvaburi, from Buckinghamshire, England, told Newsweek.
Children were never in her plan, and she had considered an abortion, but timing—and legalities—left that option off the table.
In the United Kingdom, abortions are permitted up to 24 weeks. However, abortions can be legally performed after the 24-week limit under certain circumstances such as a risk to the mother’s life, severe fetal abnormality or risk of grave permanent injury to the mother.
Musvaburi did not meet the criteria for an abortion, so she began exploring adoption, hoping it would provide a solution to a situation she never planned for in the first place.
“I let my doctor know the minute I found out I was pregnant; I did not want to be a mother. I didn’t want to raise my child,” she said in her video. An adoption agency got in touch with her, but when she asked about an open adoption, she was told it wasn’t an option.
In an open adoption, biological parents can maintain contact with the child through visits or letters. The agency Musvaburi worked with only offered closed adoptions where all contact ceases until the child turns 18 and decide whether to reconnect with their biological parent.
“I knew I definitely didn’t want to have a child because it was not in my plans, but I definitely wanted to have some sort of contact with my child,” she added.
When Musvaburi’s mom learned about her adoption plan, she pleaded with her daughter to reconsider. She had a “full blown panic attack” and even offered to adopt the baby herself.
Despite the offer, Musvaburi didn’t want to place the financial burden of raising a child on her family. Still, the decision weighed heavily on her. Musvaburi was told by her social worker because her baby was healthy, she’d likely be adopted very quickly, “and I would never really see my baby for 18 years,” she added.
After giving birth to her daughter, River, the new mom grappled with postpartum depression and doubts about her decision began to surface. Adoption was still in the cards, but Musvaburi kept postponing the process, thinking she wasn’t ready.
Over time, she began to see things differently. River is now almost 2-years-old and even though Musvaburi doesn’t consider herself maternal, motherhood has taught her a lot about herself.
“I feel like I’m growing up with my child because I’m still so young. I learn things every day. There was no formal preparation. I was not prepared…so [I think] the best way that I parent is like, OK, you’re young, I’m young. Let’s just grow up together. Let’s just do this together,” she told Newsweek.
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