Nikki Glaser opened the 2025 Golden Globes by declaring it “Ozempic’s biggest night.” That’s about as brutal as it got, apart from a general #MeToo jab.
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“I’m absolutely thrilled to be your host tonight,” she said. “I gotta say, this feels like I finally made it. I’m at a room full of producers at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, and this time all of my clothes are on. But whatever. It was worth it.”
The mood in the room was genial, a sharp difference from the inert reactions last year when Jo Koy’s opening routine fell flat with many of the guests. Glaser sought to reassure the crowd from the start. “Some of you may know me as a stand-up comedian and some of my appearances on roasts. I’m not here to roast you,” she added. “How could i? You’re all so famous, and so powerful. You could do anything, except tell the country who to vote for.”
Theater kids got the cruelest takedown: “I didn’t know much about Wicked going into this year because I had friends in high school, but I loved it.” She added that “everyone loved Wicked. I loved Wicked, my boyfriend loved Wicked, and my boyfriend’s boyfriend really loved Wicked.” The blockbuster’s fans who loudly sang along in crowded theaters provided a set-up to hit another big screen musical that became one of the year’s biggest flops. “Some people complained [Wicked] was ruined by people singing,” Glaser said. “And with Joker 2, people complained the movie was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them.”
She then apologized to the cast and crew of Joker: Folie à Deux, but noted: “Oh, they’re not here.”
She engaged in a few more targeted zings. “Tonight we celebrate the best of film, and hold space for television,” Glaser said. “Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch—these are not just words Ben Affleck yells when he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight.”
Glaser added that The Bear, The Penguin and Baby Reindeer were not just among the nominated TV Shows, but also items found in RFK Jr’s deep freeze.
Some of her targets were right there in front of her, playing along gamely. “Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune,” she said as the camera cut to the actor for the backhanded compliment. “Oh my God, I woke up for all of your scenes! You were so good. And Challengers, girl? It was so good. That movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card.”
Most of Glaser’s set struck a playful tone, at one point noting that Timothée Chalamet sounds like the nonsense words Adam Sandler used to shout as some of his more oddball characters. The routine culminated with her getting Sandler himself to shout the Dune and A Complete Unknown actor’s name in his faux cajun voice.
Legends were not off limits. One of her best jabs was at Harrison Ford. “I was actually talking to Harrison backstage, and after he gave me his drink order I asked if he’d rather work with Zendaya or Ariana, and he actually said indica,” Glaser said. “We’re going to find him some. We want you to have a good time tonight.”
“Selena Gomez is here. double know you tonight. We really and only murders and she’s here tonight with her new fiancé, Bunny Blanco. and Benny Blanco is here because of a genie who granted him that wish, ran
Glaser told Vanity Fair‘s Chris Murphy last month that she was relentlessly rehearsing her set. “It’s probably been about two and a half or three weeks of writing jokes and doing those onstage, running all over LA, doing three or four sets a night,” she says over Zoom. “I was on the road this weekend in New Hampshire, in Vermont, and did my monologue there. I’m in New York right now, was out last night at the Comedy Cellar. Going to go out again tonight, run it two or three times.”
Some of her bits relied on familiar tropes, like the notion of wannabe actors working as waiters. “I look out and I see some of the hardest working actors in show business, and by that I mean your servers,” she said.
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