This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Emily San José, co-founder of Mother Euro, a community for moms moving abroad. It has been edited for length and clarity.
After college I moved abroad to find myself. Working as an au pair in Spain, I was exposed to family life and fell in love with the culture and how it integrated children into everything. I also fell in love with the Spanish man who would become my husband.
We dated for a few years, then got married in the US and lived in Portland, Oregon for five years. We were always open to moving back to Spain, especially since my stepson was there. When I had my own biological kids, I found myself yearning for Spain. I felt in my heart that’s where I wanted to be a mother.
The biggest difference is how involved the extended family is
We moved back to Spain when my daughter was just 4 months old. Today, she is 3 and my son is 7, while my stepson is 16. We live just outside Madrid.
One of the biggest differences between the US and Spain is the amount of family involvement in the kids’ lives. I’m very close with my brother and parents — I even flew home for my brother’s birthday last year. But we’re a small unit.
In Spain, my in-laws are just a de-facto part of everyday life. Each Sunday we go to my mother-in-laws for lunch. It’s not formal or fancy, but it’s a chance to spend hours together each week. It’s a standing date, and we make it a priority. It’s also normal for the kids’ aunts and uncles to pop in on a school night just to say hi. My mother is very involved with her grandkids, but there’s just another level of extended family integration in Spanish culture.
My kids go to school from 9 till 5, and stay out late on weekends
My days in Spain are a lot longer than they were in the US. That’s not necessarily a bad thing because everything unfolds at a slower pace. The kids go to school from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m. If they have soccer or ballet, they stay till 6. That means that on a typical night we eat dinner at 8:30 and the kids are asleep at 9:30.
Kids are welcome everywhere in Spain, even museums and restaurants. There are few spaces that are designed just for kids, because it’s expected that they’ll just tag along where their parents go. It’s normal for the kids to come out to a 10 p.m. weekend dinner, and stay out past midnight.
This alleviates a lot of pressure from me as a mom. I can spend time with my kids, while also fulfilling my human need for social connection. It also impacts the children. Last year my son asked to go to Paris to see Monet paintings for his birthday, something I never would have done at 6.
Parts of me are still very American
Most Spanish people take an hour and a half for lunch. I use that time to go to the gym, grocery shop, or make content for my social media. The urge to be productive is very American; my Spanish friends use that time to relax and sit down for a leisurely meal, followed by coffee.
Sometimes the flexibility in Spain is challenging. I like having a plan, but outings and social events here are usually planned impulsively.
In Spain, there’s a huge emphasis on simplicity. Kids here don’t have a lot of toys or clutter in their bedroom (though, we could be better about that in my house). A typical birthday party for my kids’ friends involves chips, soda, and a simple store-bought cake. There’s no planned activities, just kids running around then singing “Happy Birthday.” I can see that I’ve tended to go overboard my comparison.
It’s hard to avoid consumerism in the US, and I’m glad my kids are growing up in a culture that emphasizes simplicity. But I want them to know my culture, too. I loved high school and college in the US.
We’ve not closed the door on moving back one day, so maybe they’ll experience that.
The post I moved from the US to Spain. Life here is slower and more simple. appeared first on Business Insider.
