My Trump-supporter friends understand that he’s a liar and adulterer but adamantly defend him with reasoning like ‘‘Everyone lies — have you not lied before?’’ or ‘‘My dad’s an extremely trustworthy guy even though he cheated on my mom a couple of times — so what?’’ I understand they are rationalizing to feel good about their candidate, but is it ethical to be hypocritical? — Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
Yes, everybody lies. Still, lying about private matters, matters you think are nobody else’s business, may be quite different from lying about public matters in order to manipulate others into doing what you want. We may think of honesty as a unitary ‘‘global trait’’ — such that people are either honest across the board or not — but there’s research in moral psychology that argues otherwise. The philosopher Rachana Kamtekar, reviewing some empirical studies of honesty and other virtues, has argued that people might have ‘‘cross-situational consistency’’ if we start to think in terms of more specific traits, like ‘‘honesty with respect to property.’’ Cheating on your wife, similarly, might not indicate that you’re more likely to cheat in other ways.
Maybe what your friends really mean is that, though they might have preferred a president who showed greater fidelity to the truth and to his wives, these traits are less important to them than other traits that they actively favor. What they shouldn’t commit themselves to is the position that you can’t criticize someone for doing something you have done yourself. It also seems hard to dispute that, as David Leonhardt, Ian Prasad Philbrick and Stuart A. Thompson have argued in The Times, Trump has lied on a scale that outstrips his presidential predecessors. But we can put aside the tally. Hypocrisy, in Rochefoucauld’s deathless line, is the tribute vice pays to virtue. Society would founder if we had to be blameless to stand up for the values we hold dear.
Readers Respond
The previous question was from a man caught between his mother and in-laws. He wrote: “My mother, a two-time Trump voter in Florida, has moved closer to us in a safely blue state. While I don’t know what her vote was in the 2024 presidential election, it wouldn’t have affected the outcome. I strongly oppose Trump, as do my wife and her family, who live nearby. I’m troubled by my mother’s support of someone I consider morally abhorrent and dangerous, especially when she voted in a former swing state. With the result of the 2024 election, my wife and her family are directing their understandable fury at my mother. … I’m torn. My wife and her family expect me to brook no compromise and to speak out on an issue that feels existential to them (as it does to me), but because I know that her vote here doesn’t make a difference, I have trouble feeling motivated to admonish her for her past and possibly present support of Trump. … My mother expects me to intervene and speak up for her or to encourage my wife’s family to be more civil. She sees her vote as a ‘‘personal choice’’ and doesn’t seem to believe that she should be criticized for it. Ethically, is it wrong for me to hold my tongue or to try to negotiate the peace even though I agree with the substance of my wife’s family’s position?”
In his response, the Ethicist noted: “This is a sad but not unusual story. Political scientists have identified a form of animus they sometimes call partyism, which they try to measure in various ways. They can ask respondents whether people of the other political party have positive traits (generosity, say, or honesty), or bad ones (selfishness, untrustworthiness); they can ask what people think about being friends with supporters of the other party or about their children marrying across the partisan divide. Since at least 2000, the research suggests, people’s positive feelings about their own party have stayed roughly constant; the big drop, which has intensified since 2016, is in positive feelings toward the other side. … Treating your mother with respect means being honest about your views. But it doesn’t mean cudgeling her with them. Once you’ve said your piece and listened to what she has to say in her defense, repeating the same arguments over and over would be the act of a bully. Citizens, let alone family members, shouldn’t be eager to direct vitriol against people whose political views they don’t share.” (Reread the full question and answer here.)
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The quandary of the letter writer is familiar to me. I also have family who voted differently than I did, and I have struggled with how to manage this during time together with them. It seems to me that the most important consideration is to remain kind and respectfully inquisitive, particularly with those with whom we disagree . We have enough sources of division and might look for common ground and coalition with our friends and family, rather than discord and disagreement. I appreciate how the letter writer refers to the positives of his relationship with his mother and encourages his other family to do the same. — Tess
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I’m not certain that this election and the divide it’s causing can be attributed to partyism, as the Ethicist offered. Those opposed to Donald Trump (myself included) cite his lack of ethics, morals and values as the reason. He has been found liable of or convicted of sexual and ethical offenses, made misogynistic and racist remarks and stated his intent to persecute his opponents and detractors. Marginalized communities in particular are impacted by this election because Trump’s base of white nationalists have been given license to inflict harm by virtue of his election. That’s why the anger toward Trump voters goes well beyond Democrats versus Republicans. It’s hard for those of us who feel threatened by his election to see any morality or humanity left in those who voted for him. It’s about morals and values, not politics — and that’s a whole lot harder to defend at the dinner table. — Linda
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For me, it’s not partyism — it’s just Trump. I would not have had a problem with a President-elect Nikki Haley. — Amy
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Of those Americans who cast a vote, more chose Trump than Harris. I voted for Trump, and would do it again. What the writer should do is ask his mom why she voted for Trump. I have plenty of reasons. A lot of them are “He’s not Kamala.” Enough with the Democrats’ whining. The votes for Kamala are not better or more valuable than the votes cast for Trump. There are huge problems in this country, and most of them are caused by Democratic misgovernance. Maybe the letter writer should learn from his mom. — Paul
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I echo the response of the Ethicist and encourage the letter writer to explore with his mother her specific reasons for her voting choice. Is she a single-issue voter? Has she only heard about the issues from right-wing media sources? I have a colleague who I recently learned supported Trump and it shocked me. But he subsequently made very intelligent arguments on an economic basis, and he felt that the hate and divisiveness being sowed by some Trump supporters was anomalous and only reflected a small minority. He did not think any of the social issues that make many Democrats feel threatened are actually a priority for the administration. While I fundamentally disagree with each of his viewpoints, I still have a positive working relationship with him and see no reason to condemn his entire character based on his vote. I encourage the letter writer to help his wife’s family to do the same. — Dana
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I have voted Republican since I started voting for Nixon in 1972. I had an “If I were 21, I would vote for Nixon” button in 1960 when I was 7. Trump was not my favorite candidate in 2016, but when he was selected against Hillary, it was an easy vote. I would have picked my Florida governor this year before he quit by the time our primary came. Again, an easy choice against either Biden and especially the unqualified Harris. Anyway, all my children are fairly leftist, especially my local son and his wife. He’s an absolute socialist. They all know my politics, and it doesn’t come up much and they love me. We share holidays and visits. — Doug
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My family, too, has these bitter divisions and fears for the future. I think anyone who voted for Trump in 2016, or even 2020, was exercising their right to vote, no matter what I think of their choice. The 2024 vote was more fraught because Trump has been openly promising to establish an authoritarian state. The real dilemma is how we move forward now that he has been elected. The ethical question I want answered is what ethical Germans should have done, and done sooner, once their authoritarian “Make Germany Great Again” demagogue was elected. — Tom
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I know many people who are suffering as a result of the family discord described in this letter. Reading the submission, my heart broke for the letter writer and for his family. I really appreciated the way the Ethicist framed his response and I plan to borrow his form of words as they expressed so well what I have been feeling but have struggled to put into words. — Rebecca
The post Am I a Hypocrite for Calling Donald Trump a Liar? appeared first on New York Times.
