Most twentysomethings are trying to find their footing in life and making major decisions about their future—whether it’s their career, home, or relationships.
But not Bella Salsberry, who at just 27 years old is already thinking about death.
That’s because Salsberry, who resides in Florida, was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM) when she was 14. It’s a disease that makes the heart muscle thicker, making it harder for the heart to pump blood around the body.
Prior to her diagnosis, her 12-year-old brother had passed away from a sudden cardiac event, which prompted her family to do genetic testing, revealing that she and her mom both have the condition.
From a young age, Salsberry saw how quickly a life can be taken away when it’s barely even begun. “That was very hard to process all at once, and I guess I still am processing it,” she told Newsweek.
She had a pacemaker fitted at 14, and for a while, her condition showed no signs of progression. It remained at the back of her mind, but then at the age of 26, “reality set in” as Salsberry learned that she’s in the early stages of heart failure.
She developed shortness of breath, bad circulation, tunnel vision and dizziness, and if she wants to keep them at bay, she can’t cut any corners. If she wants to live, there’s no question that she needs to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
“I try to not let it restrict me too much, but I try to eat whole foods, I’ve cut out all processed foods, and I eat less than 2,000 milligrams of salt a day,” Salsberry said. “That helps reduce a lot of my symptoms, and enables me to work out, stay active and keep up with people my age. It’s mainly diet and exercise I focus on to keep me feeling good.”
Constantly eating healthily is a challenge, and sometimes it can be tempting to enjoy a treat, but “fast food is not an option” and Salsberry reminds herself what’s at stake.
While she was facing this new normal, her grandfather, Kent Underwood, was undergoing treatment for congestive heart failure and she witnessed his gradual deterioration before his passing earlier this year.
Coping With the Prospect of Death
Finding out that she’s “dying of heart failure” in her 20s marked a change in Salsberry’s perspective—understandably so. Most people her age are planning their future, but Salsberry knows how fragile her life is, and she doesn’t take it for granted.
It’s taken years of acceptance and reflection, but now she feels at ease with the idea of death. It’s known as radical acceptance, and it’s the understanding that certain situations are out of your control.
If her time were to come now, Salsberry says she’s “OK to die” as she’s happy with the life she’s been granted.
She told Newsweek: “It took a long time to get to this point and a lot of work, but now I believe that everything is going to be OK. I went to therapy and took a look at my life and my relationships. I did journaling, meditation, praying and did a lot of reflecting.
“If I get hit by a car tomorrow, I know I’ve lived my life and I’m happy with where I’m at. I don’t want to die and I’m actively working to not die, but I have no control over what happens,” Salsberry continued.
A large part of that was learning to understand that her body is different and loving herself regardless. Salsberry also suffers from endometriosis, which she had to learn to manage. She knows that the condition won’t kill her, but going through that debilitating pain made her see that she’s much stronger than she thought.
It’s easy to be in awe of Salsberry’s positivity, as very few people her age could have such a mature perspective on life and death. But she insists she isn’t always perfect, and negativity can occasionally creep in.
“I allow myself to feel bad when I need to, and to give myself grace, because that’s important too. I can’t be positive all the time and I have to acknowledge when I’m having a hard time and what I need to work through.”
Raising Awareness on Social Media
According to the American Heart Association, one in every 500 young people in the U.S. has HCM, but many of them are undiagnosed. It’s thought that women especially suffer worse symptoms of HCM and have a worse survival rate, as suggested by a report on the National Library of Medicine.
This is why raising awareness has been a huge motivator for Salsberry to share her experience and offer people hope.
She’s uses social media (@bellasalsberry on TikTok) to document what it’s like living with HCM, and how she’s learned to cope with the threat of death. By showing people the reality of her condition, and educating them on the symptoms, she hopes to make a difference and provide people with hope.
“I have always been an open person, and I love connecting with others,” Salsberry said. “Early detection is so important and it’s great to see people who have symptoms decide to reach out to their doctor or go through testing. That’s what keeps me going.”
Salsberry’s TikTok posts often receive an outpouring of support online, with many thanking her for being so transparent about her experiences.
Although not everyone is full of praise, as Salsberry also receives messages saying she can’t possibly be dying because she looks perfectly fine. Those people only give her strength, as she wants people to see that heart failure can affect anyone.
“A lot of people don’t like that that I say that I’m dying, and there’s always people who say I look too young to be dying. But I don’t have to prove anything because my experience is real and that’s enough,” she said.
The post Woman, 27, With Heart Failure Reveals How She Copes With the Idea of Dying appeared first on Newsweek.
