Monica Lewinsky: 25 Ways for Us to Calm the F–k Down Between Now and November 5

“Anyone want to meet up and just scream? We could get food after.”

I saw this post on Insta the other morning, a cry for help from The Midult (@themidult), a forum-led platform out of the UK that some friends of mine started. It got me thinking. Forget about the election and its aftermath. How the fuck are we even gonna get to November 5?

I don’t know about you, but to me the Democratic convention—which took place two months ago—seems like it happened in a far-away, feel-good time warp. Ever since, the 2024 election cycle has been brutal. And barely a day goes by without some alarming MAGA-world flare-up (Donald Trump calling January 6 a “day of love”; threats of vigilantes going after FEMA workers) causing me to chew what’s left of my cuticles.

So, as a public service, my friends, here is a listicle of 25 things we all can do between now and the 2024 election to calm ourselves the fuck down—and keep our sanity. We’re all in this together.

1. VOTE EARLY. I know. It’s counterintuitive. But the very first thing you can do to alleviate some of your angst is to participate now and vote early. Mail in your ballot. Or vote via drop box. Or go to your precinct in person. Check with your local election office for details: Many states allow some form of early voting. For more information, visit vote.gov.

If you can tick off that box, you’ll have exercised some modicum of control. And you’ll simply feel better by having fulfilled part of the bargain of living in a representative democracy. Let’s face it, your vote really matters (as I suggested in this space during the 2022 midterms). Especially when the margins are this razor-thin.

Then, of course, there is the art of distraction. I have played more in-person games in the last six months than in the last six years combined. Social connection and community-building are panaceas in times of stress. And now that the pandemic has subsided, coming together to play games IRL is not only personally gratifying, but also an ideal way to divert one’s attention. Some examples.

2. BAM, CRACK, DOT. You have not really lived until you’ve called “mahj!” Lately, wherever I go, when I mention I’ve recently learned to play mah-jongg (the American iteration), I meet someone else who plays. Often, it’s someone like me—a newbie. While the game has lately gained a cultish, cliquish following in certain circles, its popularity is cyclical. Vanity Fair, in fact, wrote about the mah-jongg craze after it took America by storm in the Roaring Twenties.

I was invited to learn to play by three generations of women, including my friend Victoria Jackson (whose latest accomplishment, after creating the original No Makeup Makeup, is having published the book We All Worry, Now What?—a good primer during this pre-election period) and her daughter, Ali Guthy, the founder of Buzzie, the plant-based insect repellent. Our fourth player is Victoria’s nonagenarian mom, Bobbi, who has been playing most of her life. With her Kathleen Turner–esque voice, she affectionately reprimands us if we’re taking too long to “discard a tile” or putting a joker in a pair (a lethal mistake). If you don’t already mahj, I guarantee you that learning the rules, along with the concentration needed to play, will have you shutting out the rest of the world—even the election.

3. TURF, SURF, SCRUM! Which is to say: Hit the court (tennis, pickleball, basketball), the gridiron, the ballfield, the waves. Any individual or team sport of your choosing will get your mind off the blood sport of national politics. Yeah, I have no color to give you here, folks, since I’m not athletic. (See “dancing” below.) But for those of you who are, get in an extra game or two.

4. UNO. Gather for a game night. A few months ago I was lucky enough to attend one of Questlove’s game nights that he hosted with Quinta Brunson. They’d laid out tables of board and card games, along with Operation, as well as the most intimidating of all: Jenga. Good people. Good food. Good escape from reality.

5. CHARADES. Or you can kick up the action a notch. Have a night of running charades, a specialty of prolific film producer Suzanne Todd and her cohost Jane Buckingham, the author and trend forecaster. In this version of the game, teams compete by having one member literally dash across the room to get each successive clue. After 10 clues, players have to figure out the theme of the round, which can be anything from Taylor Swift songs to Oscar-winning films. Sprint, guess, de-stress.

6. TIMES WORD SALAD. To drown out the word salad of the presidential race, do what I do: Immerse yourself not in the New York Times news feed but in the Times Games panoply. Wordle. Connections. The trusty old crossword (though I prefer sudoku). Though we play separately, my mom, brother, and I have a daily chain on which we compete. Yes, I have smarty-pants friends who, in their little Connections group, insist that each player rank the day’s four categories by degree of difficulty (which is way above my pay grade). That said, social glue through online play can be a meaningful daily ritual for keeping our sanity—a reminder of those we’re truly tethered to.

7. STRANGER THINGS. Matt and Ross Duffer also held an event focused on a game of the social-bluffing kind: Blood on the Clocktower. For those versed in Mafia or Werewolf, the rules of social deception and mystery-solving will feel familiar. When I attended one session, I had no idea what I was walking into, but casting director Carmen Cuba assured me I’d be able to figure it out. No such dice. I should stick to mah-jongg. (But I had enough fun to put myself on the wait list for the steeply priced game, which was sold out and cost $150 at the time.)

Then there are purely creative pursuits. Myriad mental health benefits are derived from creating. And creation can come in all forms.

8. GET YOUR VAN GOGH ON. The fear center of our brain—the amygdala—is calmed by coloring. According to Corewell Health, coloring can induce “the same state as meditating.”

Over the past year, I’ve engaged in my own self-directed art therapy. I became obsessed with refillable markers by Copic. There is something soothing about their smoothness and flow when applied to the Canson medium-grain paper. In typical fashion, I plunked down a chunk of change for My New Hobby (ask me sometime about buying golf shoes), but this activity has stuck, brilliantly. I will freehand-draw with focus, or dive into a coloring book while watching TV, and it makes a difference in how I’m feeling. (I’m still behind on Slow Horses, so no spoilers, please.) It’s not about how skilled you are (I am not). Just the act of drawing gives you grounding and agency and, if you’re not careful, a cramp in your hand.

9. BIT BY BIT, PUTTING IT TOGETHER. Want to hibernate until Election Day? Lock yourself in a room and don’t come out until you’ve completed the world’s largest puzzle, titled “What a Wonderful World,” which clocks in at 60 thousand pieces. (And gee, it’ll only set you back $749.99.) Or, with slightly fewer pieces (1,000), there are Vanity Fair’s own puzzles, featuring illustrated covers from the Jazz Age. And that’s not to mention a set of Wildflower Bouquet LEGOs or, for Gen X-ers reading this, a build-your-own LEGO Pac-Man machine.

10. DON’T DROP A STITCH. What do Ryan Gosling, Julia Roberts, and yours truly have in common? We all knit. It boosts your serotonin and dopamine. A Wellness Within article talks about how “engaging in repetitive and rhythmic motions while knitting can help induce a state of relaxation and reduce stress levels. The focused attention required by knitting acts as a form of mindfulness, diverting attention away from stressful thoughts and promoting a sense of calm and clarity.” I find that when I’m feeling helpless at a particularly tough juncture, knitting assuages some of the anxiety, allowing me to see a physical manifestation of progress. (I learned to knit with my stepmom in 1998 during the whirlwinds of the Starr investigation and the Clinton impeachment. Need I say more?)

11. LET IT GO. Create peace of mind and a beautiful space. I am personally big on decluttering because I tend to be an accumulator in times of stress. Dr. Peggy Fitzsimmons writes about the 10% rule in her book about decluttering, Release: “As you declutter, look to release 10 percent of the things that don’t support your soul and add 10 percent of the things that do…. Small changes like this can make a big difference.” (Ten-percenting can work with increasing or decreasing your everyday behavior as well. Try spending a good part of each morning offline. In no time, it will severely cut down all that time you spend doomscrolling.)

12. BOO! We’re still a few days out from Halloween, so work on that costume now. Because things may get really scary come November. (I was DM’d this post and not only am I still laughing, but costume sorted.)

Of course, one old reliable is the tried-and-true strategy of comfort bingeing. There is so much research on the net positive of consuming entertainment content, it’s practically doctor’s orders to be a couch potato.

13. NETFLIX (APPLE, AMAZON, HULU, MAX, PEACOCK, PARAMOUNT, ET AL.) AND CHILL. Hard to believe, but The West Wing recently celebrated its 25th anniversary. Grey’s Anatomy is in season 21. Revisit your favorite comfort content. Movies work too. (Bonus points if there’s a rewatch podcast to go with it.) Rohitha Naraharisetty writes about how returning to our favorite shows helps us: “The science of rewatching is simple and intuitive: We seek out familiar stimuli as opposed to unfamiliar ones during times of stress. We find it comforting—restorative, even—to watch things we’ve already seen because it is easy on the brain, and reduces its cognitive load.”

14. SOUND GARDEN. Podcasts relax or inspire. According to Resonate Recordings, “Podcasts meet our basic psychological needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness. They can be a great tool in managing mental health by reducing stress and promoting positivity…. [They] serve as an alternative to visual media, cutting down screen time while aiding personal growth through self-reflection.” And if you’re one of those birds who get sucked into a vortex by true-crime podcasts, well, by all means, gore away.

15. SINK INTO INK. Read a good, thick book. Something that will nourish your soul (Brianna Wiest’s The Mountain Is You) or envelop you (Terry Hayes’s 2013 spy thriller, I Am Pilgrim, is one I’ve reread at least six times, and it never fails to engross me). You can never go wrong with poetry from Adrienne Rich or Maya Angelou. And while Jessica Valenti’s new treatise on reproductive choice (Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use to Win) might defeat the antianxiety purpose here, some of you are tougher than I am, and it’s an important read that addresses one of the most vital issues on the ballot this year.

16. LEARN, BABY, LEARN. Find an inspiring or interesting online course to engage your mind. Or, if you’re like me, consider actually completing one of the many courses your idealized self has recently purchased, but which your real self has yet to start.

17. GET YOUR GROOVE ON. Dance your ass off. While I’m not quite as bad as Elaine from Seinfeld, I am, let’s say, like her cousin twice removed. But shake your booty, especially right after you wake up. Sandra Bullock has been quoted as saying: “The rule is you have to dance a little bit in the morning before you leave the house because it changes the way you walk [or move] out in the world.”

18. ALLOW YOURSELF A SELFIE. By that, I mean: meditate. Work out. Hit the gym, the yoga mat, the track. It’ll help you run circles around the news cycle.

The most important priority, however, is the election’s outcome. So what’s the best activity of all? Engaging in activism. Temporarily ameliorate anxiety by doing something politically meaningful.

19. Knock on doors for your candidate.

20. Write postcards to swing state voters.

21. Donate to Pizza to the Polls.

22. Choose anything on Vote Save America.

23. If women’s bodily autonomy is your defining issue this election cycle, like it is mine, there’s Her Bold Move to explore and support.

24. Above all: Suss out your Election Day game plan. Will you be doing all you can to assist the process on November 5? Helping friends, relatives, or neighbors get to their polling stations? Volunteering in your community—or a swing state—for a local, state, or national candidate? Making a dent?

Remind yourself that it’s not all doom and gloom. Think big picture. Come Election Day, you can help move mountains.

25. AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS, THERE IS ALWAYS SEX!