“While I don’t love my wrinkles and sags, I embrace them as a life well lived,” said Evelyn Block, 76. That’s not all she’s embraced. She dyes her hair an electric blue. And her retirement hobby? She’s a roller derby referee in Southern California.
“Stevie Fleet Wheels in my derby name,” she said. “I have been a huge Stevie Nicks fan for over 50 years. She’s six weeks younger than I am. As long as Stevie can get onstage, I can still roller skate.”
Self-care is a concept mostly associated with youth, perhaps in part because advertisers see that demographic as their primary market. But wellness is as important, perhaps more so, at 75 as it is at 25.
In a Times questionnaire we asked readers how their routines for self-care have evolved as they’ve aged. Over 3,100 people from across the country responded.
Ms. Block’s disconnect over what she saw in the mirror was echoed by many, who said that while they feel younger, that while they feel younger, their reflection often shows someone much older, or even a face that recalls their elders.
Many readers spoke about feeling invisible as they aged. For some it was a negative: The world was overlooking them.
Others saw that same invisibility as a positive: They can wear whatever they want and find relief in feeling less judged.
The shifting body is ever-present in our minds. Even people who stated that their primary goal was keeping their minds sharp still mentioned that their body size had changed.
Routines were important, whether getting eight hours of sleep, working out regularly or just taking a hot shower every morning. There was also a lot of focus on skin care and beauty products — something some respondents lamented, whether they used anti-aging products or not.
“For the first time in my life, I’m also following a regular skin-care routine,” wrote Michael S. Russo, 60, of Nassau County, N.Y. “As a man, I never thought this was important, but it really is. You don’t want your face to look like an old leather saddle bag if it doesn’t have to.”
Some discussed caring for themselves so that they were able to care for others, or not wanting to be a burden to their families or loved ones.
“Self-care for me means assuming responsibility for still being on the planet without asking other people to be responsible for me,” said Malinda Hatch, 82, who lives in a multigenerational home outside of Baltimore.
Below are thoughts from some of those who responded. (Interviews have been condensed and edited.)
Roller Derby
Evelyn Block, 76, California
My old-school hairdresser wouldn’t dye my hair. This one was new and I said, ‘what about color’ and she said, ‘Let’s try it.’ I get it touched up about once a month. I get compliments all the time from old people. The junior derby kids were so excited. I usually walk home a mile from the salon. Someone leaned out and said, “I love your hair.”
We had a roller derby tournament this past Saturday and I fell twice. My legs went out from under me. You learn to fall the right way, to pull your knees and your head to your chest and your elbows in. You fold up into a ball.
My trainer has me juggle scarves for my hand-eye coordination. I have seen him for seven years after I tore my glute muscle getting off a Pilates machine! We do eye exercises, strength and resistance training. If I hadn’t been doing what I’m doing, I wouldn’t be able to continue roller skating.
If you don’t want to be treated like an old person, don’t act like an old person. You have no idea what other people your age are not doing.
Ballet
Giannella Garrett, 71, New York
I take two pointe classes a week. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done. With advancing age, I see the end of the line — maybe not life, but physical abilities.
I started ballet as an adult. I didn’t begin as a child; my mother had me take piano lessons. I never get tired of it. A day without ballet is not the happiest day for me. I see four different teachers over the course of the week. What brings me joy first thing in the morning is seeing whose class I am taking.
I once had a boyfriend who asked, “When are you going to finish ballet, when do you graduate?” and I said, “Never.”
There’s always a challenge ahead. You conquer one and there’s 100 more to complete.
Meditation
Shailendra Jain, 68, North Carolina
I have spent a lifetime trying to conform. Before I die, I want to feel free, I want to break through the self-imposed barriers. I grew up in a large family in Delhi; conformity was the norm. The rules were extensive and any violation would be met with some consequences: a physical beating or open criticism. It got built into me.
As part of my freedom, I moved away from religion. Meditation, however, is about going inside me. I focus on an awareness of a higher self. Every day, I become more aware of different sensations in my body.
I have two fiercely independent daughters; my yearning for living free was by learning from them.
Gardening and Painting
Malinda Hatch, 82, Maryland
I worked as a garden designer and a horticulture consultant. I have gardened since childhood. My land is all rock and hard soil, and I’m figuring out how to have a garden here. We have talked about enclosing a space and turning a deck into a greenhouse for vegetables. I feel that plants won’t grow for everybody. They know there is this strange symbiosis. Plants reward you.
Every day, I paint; it’s a ritual. I’m in my little art room for at least an hour and a half. I often paint portraits or scenes of my family or a good friend if I’m missing someone. I’m a twin, and I lost my twin in 2018. I paint her in an imaginary space I think she’d be happy in. I paint my mother, who lived to be 94. Sometimes, I paint us together.
I see my family daily without a regimen. [Ms. Hatch lives with family in a compound they bought together.] We eat together. We try to enjoy each other and not get in each other’s way. We all cook, which is a problem with one kitchen and one refrigerator. We are sorting through getting to know each other.
I try to understand the world of today and how it is different from the world that formed my values as a young person.
independent living
Nancy Gabriel, 98, New York
My dog is named Jake. I got him as a puppy a couple of months after my husband died. He’s part of my daily routine. As he ages — he’s 12 — he is still playful, but also goes to his crate and takes more naps. I keep hoping he’ll be around and be OK. Since I’m aging, too, I understand the process. It’s very similar.
I never met [her husband] Jim without a New Yorker in my pocketbook. Many an evening he was called to the E.R. and I sat in the waiting area and read.
Yogurt is typically my lunch when I’m at home. I am at home more than I ever was. It’s always Fage — that’s part of my Greekness. I travel almost every year to visit Greece. That’s a constant. This year, I went in May with my grandson and granddaughter-in-law and their two children. Whenever they plan a trip, they call and tell me to get ready.
I have always fed birds who visit my backyard. I enjoy watching them come to the bird feeder. Chipmunks and squirrels wait for the seeds that fall to the ground. My son just gave me a bird feeder with a camera attached. All told, I’m a very lucky 98 year old.
Exercise and Prayer
Trent Lyght, 65, Georgia
I am a former athlete. I have a lower back disability. I’ve lost muscle mass. I can’t walk very far. I use a cane and keep an extra one in the car. My goal is to get off the cane. My training is focused on the lower body, but I do upper body workouts on Mondays and Thursdays. I sometimes go swimming on the weekends. My kettlebell training started at 35 pounds, then 40, now 50 pounds. I have noticed a tremendous improvement since I started in June.
My mother’s death in 2014 and getting divorced the year before prompted me to seek an organized religion. I started going to different churches in Atlanta — Baptist, Methodist — and then went to the mosque to learn about Islam. I took a class and, in a month, thought it was a fit for me.
Wudu is a purification process. I’m washing from my hands up to elbows, face, mouth, feet and pouring water over my head.
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