A Reddit user who asked for advice after her “militant vegan” brother demanded an entirely meat-free Thanksgiving for the whole family is stuck in an incredibly tough situation, a therapist told Fox News Digital.
“Tell me what’s up, internet folks,” wrote Reddit user “Suspicious-Basil7882” in an October 2 post in Reddit’s “Am I the A–hole” subreddit.
In the post, Suspicious-Basil7882 explained that she’s 31, and her 35-year-old brother, Mark, “do not get along.”
When Mark was a teen, she wrote, he decided to become a vegetarian after watching a documentary on factory farming, and “he got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him.”
This changed after he went to college, “made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan,” said Suspicious-Basil7882. “It’s his entire personality.”
The two stopped talking after Mark harassed her for having a birthday dinner at a steakhouse, she said, but her parents “have been trying to repair the situation.”
“For a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better, so I’ve been letting him back into contact gradually,” she said.
That changed, however, when he started dating Pam, a “vegan influencer” who is “moderately popular online.”
“I don’t know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn’t come on ‘ethical grounds,’” said Suspicious-Basil7882.
“My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal,” she said.
This year, though, things are different. Suspicious-Basil7882 now owns her parents’ old house, and her mother is having health problems.
“My mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones,” she said.
Taken aback, Suspicious-Basil7882 asked for a vegan main dish recipe, but told the family she would be making a traditional Thanksgiving meal in addition to the vegan options.
“Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come,” she said.
She continued, “This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I’m not coddling him. I’m having turkey on Thanksgiving.”
The two said they will not show up “if anyone eats meat at this meal,” she said. “If any meat is served to anyone, they won’t come.” The two also refuse to eat at any restaurants that serve meat.
Suspicious-Basil7882’s father agrees with her take, she wrote, but is worried that Mark’s refusal to come to Thanksgiving dinner will have a negative impact on his wife’s health.
“There’s a not-big, but also not-zero chance that these might be some of the last family holidays we have with her,” said Suspicious-Basil7882. “My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family, and I’m not so sure anymore.”
Suspicious-Basil7882 told Fox News Digital that she is considering picking up a shift at the hospital where she works so she can cancel for a reason that wouldn’t concern her brother.
“Mom would be disappointed, but she knows my job is demanding and necessary so she won’t be too upset,” Suspicious-Basil7882 told Fox News Digital.
And while missing Thanksgiving is not ideal, “eating turkey in the hospital cafeteria between emergencies sounds less stressful,” she said.
A family therapist told Fox News Digital that Suspicious-Basil7882 is stuck in a “tough situation,” where nobody is likely to be fully happy, regardless of what happens.
“She is being put in an unfortunate position where she has to decide whether to appease her brother for her mom’s sake or stand her ground, knowing she may feel guilty for her mother not being able to enjoy the Thanksgiving she envisions,” Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.
“There’s no clear right or wrong answer. It comes down to how important it is for her to prioritize her mother’s happiness and the idea of family unity,” she said.
Suspicious-Basil7882’s internal struggle is likely from “wanting to show her brother that he doesn’t get to dictate all the rules — which can be very challenging among siblings, especially when she’s the one stepping back for the sake of family harmony,” said Goldberg.
Reddit’s opinion of the situation aside, “at the end of the day, she’ll still have to weigh the guilt of seeing her mother disappointed against the discomfort and resentment of appeasing her brother,” she added.
“If she chooses not to give in, it doesn’t make her wrong or a bad person — but that doesn’t mean she won’t feel a heavy sense of guilt, sitting at Thanksgiving with real turkey and a sad mother,” said Goldberg.
Mark is putting tofurkey over family.
Reddit users largely agreed with Goldberg, saying that Suspicious-Basil7882 was “not the a–hole” in this situation and that her brother was being unreasonable.
“You’re not putting turkey over family — Mark is putting tofurkey over family. You’ve reasonably accommodated enough with a vegan option,” said Reddit user “CrimsonKnight_004 in the top-upvoted comment.
“Mark doesn’t get to hold holidays hostage because of his own dietary choices. That’s ridiculous,” the same user added.
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