The internet is buzzing with a debate over a man who walked out on a date after discovering that his companion had five children by three different fathers.
Reddit user u/somewhatnicefly shared his experience on the popular “Am I The A******?” forum. The post quickly gained traction, earning 20,000 upvotes and sparking widespread conversation.
According to the man’s account, his date looked noticeably different from her online photos, immediately putting him off. As they waited for their drinks, the two engaged in conversation, and that’s when the woman revealed she had five kids.
“I know from our brief online interaction that she has never been married so I pretty bluntly ask if they all have the same father, and she says no,” he explained. “She doesn’t say how many baby daddies she has unprompted, so I bluntly ask, ‘with how many men?’ and she seemed embarrassed to answer, then says 3.”
His reaction was swift: “My response was ‘wow,’ and we both sat there in silence for about 30 seconds as I desperately tried not to burst out into laughter. I’m not sure why I found the situation so funny, maybe it was a nervous tick,” he continued in his post.
He told her bluntly, “I don’t see this going anywhere.” He left money on the table for drinks and food and walked out.
Now, the man has turned to Reddit for advice, while experts have weighed in on the situation, adding nuance to the debate about first-date decorum and kindness.
Expert Opinions
Rachel Goldberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Studio City, California, explained that while the man had every right to decide not to continue the date, his reaction could have been far more compassionate.
“Rejecting her in such a harsh and shaming manner was unnecessary,” Goldberg told Newsweek. “It’s understandable why she may not have mentioned having five kids on her profile, as it likely invites unwanted commentary she was trying to avoid.
“Ultimately, she’s human, and it’s clear she felt embarrassed discussing her situation. For him to put down money and walk away without expressing in a kind way that he doesn’t feel they are a good fit sends the message she isn’t even deserving of decent respect.”
Alyse Freda-Colon, a New York-based therapist, criticized the Redditor’s reaction.
She told Newsweek: “Dude! Seriously? OK, I get it that it would have been helpful for her to have disclosed that she has five children, but honestly, you are clearly the a****** in this scenario.
“You tried to ‘not burst into laughter’? This woman clearly was not a match for you, but would it have killed you to put your judgment on the back burner, have dinner with her, and get to know her even if you had no intention of seeing her again?”
Reddit Reacts
The internet’s response was mixed, with many Reddit users sympathizing with the woman and calling out the man’s harsh behavior.
“At least she told you on the first date and was truthful,” commented one user, u/No_Refrigerator_1632.
“NTA for deciding to walk away if you knew it wasn’t a match for you, but YTA (You’re The A******) for how you handled it. Leaving without explaining properly or having a bit more compassion made the situation worse than it needed to be. Being polite in dating is always a good look,” said u/lorelaidoordie.
“This is why we want to chat more over text. Pretty savage judgment… could’ve been avoided with a text conversation,” another user commented.
Newsweek reached out to u/somewhatnicefly for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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