Alexis Bellino is fighting for her life—and it’s entirely her fault.
The Real Housewives of Orange County is more than halfway done with the season and Aleixs has burnt through all her goodwill and then some to become the most hated Housewives villain in years. The infamous friend-of has self-destructed all on her own, proven by her inability to rally the troops in an episode where Shannon isn’t even in the same state as her.
It’s a stunning miscalculation, and an accidental masterpiece. Just like Jesus, she’s dying on the cross for the good of our entertainment, even if it means sacrificing her dignity in the process.
Things start positive enough for Alexis, as she joins Heather Dubrow at the GLAAD awards for the mother convention, featuring Salt Lake City Housewife and queen of the gays, Meredith Marks. It’s a who’s who of celebrities only gay people would care about. Jennifer Tilly! Dan Bucatinsky! Chrishell Stause is there, too.
If you recall, Heather actually threw the first brick at Stonewall, but what people don’t often talk about is that Alexis threw the second and third. Yes, she threw them at the protesters—but with time, she realized that gay is okay.
“I’m here to create a world that’s loving, kind, and accepting for everybody in my family,” Alexis shares in a confessional. Emphasis on “in my family.” Alexis has made no promises of creating a loving, kind, and accepting world for Shannon Beador. She’d actually prefer to create a hostile environment in which Shannon constantly questions her own sanity.
You know things are bad for Shannon when even Gina has taken pity on her. Everyone’s least favorite New Yorker drops by Shannon’s new house for a quick visit—with some stolen lemons in tow—before Shannon makes her way to St. Louis for the Dos Amigos show. That’s right, realtor Gina Kirschenheiter is stealing lemons from random people’s trees. And yet she’s worried about Jenn and Katie tarnishing her reputation.
Here, Shannon tells Gina that John Jannsen’s attorneys have admitted to wanting blackmail material. Go figure that this cartoon villain would have a cartoon lawyer who’s like, “Yep, we do want to extort you!” This should be taken with a grain of salt given we haven’t seen the actual court transcripts, but John and Alexis have come across like bumbling idiots in their takedown of Shannon, so I’m willing to believe it.
Meanwhile, Katie attempts to spread her wings and define herself by more than just her feud with Heather and Gina. She meets with Tamra for some candle making inside a vintage store, both bringing their daughters along for a rebrand as “women who have daughters who hate their dads.”
Katie hasn’t really popped on screen yet, and her daughter isn’t exactly the most engaging scene partner. Neither is Tamra’s daughter, really, but the scene is a nice escape from Tamra’s villainous persona this season. It’s always nice to be reminded she’s not just an evil sorcerer. She’s also a mom who does boring things!
That said, next time Kylie and Sophia hang out, we don’t need any cameras there. Let these ladies be dull in peace.
Thankfully, Jenn has a troubled teen to bring us back to our Shane Keough roots. Jenn is such a natural Housewife. She’s a tragic character in a very endearing way, a rarity in this polished era of reality TV. The scene between her and her son is raw and unrehearsed, actually seeming like a conversation they’d have without cameras around. It’s a good reminder of the need for solo footage, and why flawed characters make the best TV.
After all, the most iconic moments of the early days of RHOC are the family van and Vicki doing a kegstand at her son’s dorm. So it’s nice we get another visit from the OG of the OC to support Shannon’s own solo footage, this week. Vicki’s always been one to support a working woman.
What exactly is the Vicki and Shannon show about? That’s unclear. And maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe the real Vicki and Shannon show is the friends they lost along the way.
Watching the crowd cheer exuberantly as Shannon announces she’s only going to “do a sip” of tequila is hilarious. Shannon is always breaking glass ceilings, becoming the first-ever Housewife to become more popular by getting a DUI. Has she truly taken accountability? Not really. Will she drink and drive again? It’s plausible. But she’ll continue being an effervescent force no matter what, and that’s why she’s on her 10th season.
Back in Orange County, the ladies meet at Jenn’s house, where Emily proudly proclaims she’s not on Ozempic. CNN Live Fact Check: Ms. Simpson admitted to using the miracle drug more than a year ago. And she looks great!
But she doesn’t feel great after Heather’s fashion show. It may have been all about LGBTQ inclusivity, but clearly there was no room for body positivity. Emily claims she was singled out as “the big girl,” given a size 12 dress and having to bring her own jeans while the rest of the ladies were given pants from the line. She breaks down in tears, annoying Heather deeply.
In fact, Emily’s whole spiel about the dress being too big falls on deaf ears, as Heather has news for Emily: It was actually tight. I’m not sure that will win over anyone, but I do respect Heather’s refusal to back down in the face of scrutiny.
“She threw this big old charity event fashion show. Do you really think she’s going to have time to be like, ‘Hmm, let me single out Emily and fat shame her.’ That is just not Heather’s character. I might do that,” Tamra says in a confessional. It’s a very funny defense of Heather, as I actually do think she would do that. It’s also so classically Tamra to go out of her way to be offensive, this time proudly coming out on the side of fat shaming.
Emily’s probably right. It does seem she was singled out. But her approach of whining in Heather’s face is just a bit grating. Luckily for Emily, Alexis is there to be even more annoying. Despite this event being a chance for Alexis to integrate herself in the group, she instead isolates herself even further.
Alexis enters in a bizarre mood, crying vaguely about the lawsuit drama before shoving herself in the middle of Heather and Emily’s beef. She has this amazing ability to misread every room she enters. Somehow, she takes Emily’s insecurity as an attack on her, having both worn the same dress. Emily’s point, of course, was that it didn’t feel great to be handed a Size 12 dress while Alexis was given a Size 2 to rock.
Alexis has no idea how to be likable. Emily very bluntly represents that by screaming like a lunatic every time Alexis speaks, to the point it’s comical. Emily really is the audience surrogate Housewife, eating sandwiches in saunas and bombarding mildly offensive villains with countless insults.
Emily even hits her with “you’re a friend” as she storms out, seemingly commenting on Alexis’ lack of full-time status. It’s a glorious meltdown that almost makes Alexis sympathetic… almost. Yet, it’s further proof she’s tanked her return not just with viewers, but the cast, too.
She was casual friends with Emily going into this season. The fans were excited to see her without Jim Bellino by her side. And yet, even with Shannon out of the picture, Alexis is entirely incapable of making strides within the group.
Alexis has proven to be her own worst enemy. Yet, could flopping so aggressively be the star-making performance she needs to secure an orange?
Maybe it would have been easier to fade into the background while reestablishing a hold on the group. But that’s not Alexis. She has always been a ditz who’s unable to strategize. She’s ultimately harmless, even in her villainous pursuit of Shannon. Really, without her would we be celebrating a post-DUI Shannon? Would cries for Gina’s firing have dissipated if Alexis weren’t around to suck up all the hatred?
She may have stumbled into a monstrous villain season, but—if she can maintain her tenuous alliances to Tamra and Heather—she just may find her back to full-time status. Brace yourselves.
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