In his Monday monologue, the recurring The Daily Show host Michael Kosta started off by talking about the Paris Olympics. Specifically, he seemed obsessed with French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati, who lost a competition this past weekend because his penis knocked the crossbar over.
“And according to the rules of pole vaulting, you’re allowed to touch the crossbar, but you’re not allowed to f— it, so he lost,” Kosta said. “But this has got to be the best possible way to lose, you know? ‘Yeah, I would have won, if it weren’t for this damn massive hog.’”
“In fact, this is the only event where the guy who won probably felt bad. Like, ‘Hey, you know, my d— is good too!’” he added before offereing some advice to Ammirati. “I’ll say to you what I say to the Little League team I coach. It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s about how gigantic everyone knows your penis is.”
Kosta seemingly moved on from the topic, until he reached his segment about Kamala Harris’ potential VP picks.
“It’ll most likely be a white guy like Josh Shapiro, Tim Walz, or the pole vaulter dude with the penis,” Kosta said. “Let’s put that beast to use, breaking the glass ceiling!”
Kosta spent the rest of the segment covering the strange revelation that, in 2014, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dropped a bear carcass off in the middle of Central Park. The presidential candidate had released a video on Sunday where he explained the whole story to comedian Roseanne Barr.
“I’m sorry, he’s admitting this to Roseanne Barr?” Kosta asked. “I mean, what is happening? Does he think it’ll sound more normal if he’s telling it to a crazy person?”
After recalling the truly deranged saga, Kosta cut to a close-up of Barr’s bewildered reaction “Can you imagine how weird you have to be for Roseanne to look at you like you’re crazy?” he asked.
“Look, I will say this. I am one of those people who hates the two-party system,” the comedian concluded, “but if this is the candidate of the third party, I say screw it: let’s just have a king.”
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