A father divided opinion online after he shared that he doesn’t want to fix his relationship with his estranged daughter.
On Reddit‘s popular r/AITAH subreddit, user u/Expert_Permission_37 shared his dilemma in a post titled “Am I the a****** for not wanting to mend things with my daughter?”
The father shared his story, explaining that his marriage ended when he discovered his wife was having an affair. During their divorce, his wife died by suicide, leaving him and their young daughter behind.
To keep his daughter’s relationship with her maternal grandparents strong, he stayed close to his in-laws. But they secretly harbored resentment and manipulated his daughter against him.
By the time he realized their deception, his daughter had developed a deep animosity toward him, resulting in destructive behavior and multiple runaway attempts. Feeling overwhelmed, he eventually allowed her to live with her grandparents and he moved to Canada when she was 14.
Recently, the man’s father died. When arranging to come back for the funeral, he discovered that his daughter, now 22, had cut ties with her maternal grandparents after realizing what they did to her relationship with her father.
While she was rebuilding relationships with her dad’s family, they had asked her not to contact him yet, aware of his fragile state.
“My brother told me that my daughter would be present [at the funeral],” the man wrote. “Apparently, as she grew up, she understood many things and realised her grandparents were lying. She cut contact with them and was rebuilding a relationship with my brother and father. They didn’t let her contact me because I was still in a bad place. And frankly, I’m still am.”
The father explained that he is unsure about rebuilding the relationship. He wrote: “I’m not sure I want her in my life again. I know she was just a kid back then and now she is an adult (22F now). But even with that, I’m not sure. I need advice.”
In hundreds of comments on Reddit, people shared their reactions and debated what the father should do next.
“Rebuilding relationships after such a turbulent past can be incredibly complex. It’s understandable to feel conflicted,” said Redditor u/RoseAlyaah.
Others, like u/cryptokitty010, weren’t so understanding.
“OP [original poster] has a lot of blame here too. He was her only living parent and he abandoned her at 14 because she broke some things and wanted to live with grandma. Teenagers suck that doesn’t mean you should abandon them for 8 years and move out of the country,” they wrote.
CEO of the PAIRS (Practical Skills for Successful Relationships) Foundation, Seth Eisenberg, told Newsweek that the OP’s feelings of hurt and betrayal are completely valid. Discovering his wife’s affair, enduring her suicide, and losing his daughter’s affection must have been incredibly traumatic.”
But he agreed that his daughter was young during the conflict, too.
“His daughter was just a child when she was influenced by her grandparents. Children are incredibly impressionable,” Eisenberg said. “He should take some time to really understand what he wants. Both feelings of wanting to reconnect or feeling the pain from the past are valid.”
Eisenberg suggested reaching out to a therapist. If the pair did decide to pursue a relationship, it would take time.
“Rebuilding a relationship doesn’t happen overnight. If he chooses to reconnect, he should start with small, manageable steps like short meetings, phone calls, or letters,” he said.
In a later update, the man mostly thanked people online for their thoughts and advice and shared that he had since spoken to his brother.
“I called my brother back and we agreed that we will try to repair our relationship after the funeral. For now, we will mourn my father,” he said.
Newsweek reached out to u/Expert_Permission_37 via Reddit. We were not able to verify the details of this story.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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