When I was a little girl, I used to ask my mom to adopt another child so that I could have an older sister. I wasn’t lonely — I had plenty of friends and got along great with other kids in the neighborhood and at school. But once I started to get older (and learned how to be self-conscious), I wanted an older sibling to “show me the ropes,” in a sense.
I wanted somebody to turn to for social and relationship — heck, even fashion — advice. It would’ve also been nice to have a sibling who could occasionally take some of the blame and attention from my parents away from me.
When I was younger, I always wanted a sister
I also wanted a sister to show me how to be a young girl going through adolescence. Shaving? Periods? I had questions I felt I couldn’t ask my friends and that no puberty book could answer about social norms. My mom and I did have conversations, and she did the best that any parent could to help me, but there were certain things I just didn’t want to talk to her about. Besides, with the 40+ year age gap between us, I didn’t always feel as though she could relate to my experiences.
I used to want that guidance and closeness I felt one could only get from a sister. Maybe I’m romanticizing that sisterhood relationship. I wouldn’t know. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a sister — or a sibling, for that matter. And now, as a young woman who successfully (I hope) made it through being a teenager, I’m happy with that.
I realized there were benefits to being an only child
I didn’t need a sister to tell me about dating and how to go swimming when it’s that time of the month. I didn’t need an older sibling figure to look up to, or one to look out for me. Being an only child, at least for me, taught me how to be independent and resourceful (for example, I learned how to braid my hair thanks to a magical thing called YouTube in 2012). And while it meant getting some extra attention I sometimes didn’t want from my parents, it also meant I got all the benefits they offered; I didn’t have to share their positive attention or their wisdom.
Plus, I got all their financial support, which was a huge help for paying my university tuition. With fewer kids, we could travel more and to cooler places than I think we would’ve if I had siblings. Don’t worry, though. My parents weren’t afraid to say “no” to me, and I certainly wasn’t spoiled.
I had no problem learning how to share, as my parents were very good about ensuring I put others first and always had good manners. I also had no issue living with roommates at university. Even though I’m highly independent, I still ask my parents how to do things (like filing insurance claims). I’m grateful I’ve been set up to be so successful on my own.
While I know being an only child means I should feel pressure to have kids or one day look after my parents, they never make me feel I have this sort of responsibility to them. My parents want me to live my life for me, and I’m grateful for that. Though I did feel some pressure growing up to make my family proud and be successful — and I still do — it’s my own goals that keep me going, and I’m not comparing myself to anyone else.
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